Sex Tips

Earlier this month I ran a workshop on anal play for a local toy shop.  Since the class turned out so great and people had so many great questions, I decided to share my handout with our HM4Her readers to make sure that you guys are getting the best of the best when it comes to sex education.  There was so much info that I had to break it into two parts (check out Intro to Anal Play, Part 1)! What what in the butt, let’s get to it!

In the first section I covered all the basics of why people have anal sex, the fears surrounding anal play, the expectations involved with anal sex and all of the basic anatomy of the butt.  Now we get to talk about safety, prep, techniques and toys - all the super sexy good stuff!

Safety Basics

- Anal sex should not hurt. If it hurts, you are doing something wrong.

- Lube, Lube Lube, Lube, Lube! When it comes to butts, you can never use enough lube! Your ass does not self lubricate (like a vagina) so lube is super, extra important. For anal sex, thicker lubes are great. Your best bet is either silicone or water-based lube (as oil-based lubes can weaken condoms, if you are using them), but remember that you cannot use silicone lube with silicone toys. Also remember to add more lube frequently. If you think you’re using too much lube, add some more. Read the rest of this entry »

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As I mentioned a couple of time in the last week, I facilitated a workshop on anal play for a local sex toy store.  Not only did the workshop go wonderfully, the people that attended had awesome questions to ask.  It was a great help to have questions asked to make sure that all their fears and needs were being met and discussed, but it also showed me how very much people want to know specifics about sex and have no way of getting the info unless they are given it.  Ok, sure, they can go online and look it up, but does that mean they will be getting accurate, non-judgemental sex information?  Not necessarily. 

So, thanks to all the awesome questions I recieved, I decided to offer up my workshop handout to HM4Her readers to make sure that you guys are getting the best of the best when it comes to sex education.  This info will be cut into two parts - there is a lot to learn and I want to make sure I have enough room to get it all out!

What what in the butt, let’s get to it and start at the bottom!

To begin, I thought it would be good to talk about why people have anal sex.  The simple reason: because it feels good!  Ok, sure it feels good, but there’s more than just that.  The butt is a totally overlooked orifice that is rich in nerve endings and lots of tissue that is just waiting to be stimulated and excited.  Because anal sex has such a taboo around it, the whole experience can feel naughtier and more risque, which can make it even hotter to some people.  Plus, it can take a lot of trust when it comes to a taboo experience, so some people consider anal sex to be more intimate and only want to it explore it with that extra special someone.  No matter how you view anal sex, it can be an exciting and pleasurable experience.  As anal sex expert Tristan Taormino says: an emotionally charged act + a super sensitive spot fill of nerve endings = amazing orgasms!  Can you go wrong with that? 

 Fears

Anal sex can be intimidating or scary to some people, especially if they’ve heard stereotypes or negative experiences from other people. 

Here is a list of a few stereotypes and fears that we came up with in the workshop:

- You can damage your butt and have to wear diapers.
- If you like anal sex and you are a guy, it means you’re gay.
- You might have to deal with poop.
- Anal sex hurts really bad and I always will.
- Your ass is only an exit.

With all the stigmas and stereotypes, no wonder so many people have so many hang ups about anal sex!  By the end of this Anal 101, I will adress all of these issues/stereotypes and try to put our fears to rest. 

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In recent years, we have started to really think about what we are doing to our planet and have started taking major steps to cut down on the huge amounts of waste we are accumulating and the destruction we’ve done to our environment. Today is Earth Day, a day which was created to help foster awareness and inspire action to help get ourselves on track and keep the Earth clean and healthy for our future generations. While recycling your trash, using cloth bags when you shop and flipping the light switch when you leave the room are all great ways to get green and very sexy in their own regard, we like to make sure you know how to be eco friendly and extra aware when you are getting sexy. Check out some of these tried and true green tips next time you find yourself in a red hot situation.

- Shower together to save water. Wasting water is not gonna cut it when it comes to being eco conscious, so why not cut down the wasted water with a shower together? To make sure you aren’t letting more go down the drain while you get frisky, get wet and lather each other up, then turn the water off. You’ll still be nice and slippery without wasting any water!

- Unplug yourself. You have better things to do than watch TV or go online and if you play your cards right, you probably won’t be needing the lights on either. Take advantage of the dark – it’s free, doesn’t use any energy and is totally sexy. And if it gets too hot, skip the fan/air conditioning; open a window instead.
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Women masturbate. You know that, I know that… it’s pretty much common knowledge at this point. But for some reason, female masturbation is one of the biggest taboos in our culture. It all goes back to stigmas surrounding women’s sexuality and desire and old timey views on sexuality in general. I’ve never understood how something so harmless and good for you could be so fraught with shame, but then again I am a sex positive, liberal, lezzie sex educator with a specialty in women’s pleasure, so really, how could I understand that? In my opinion, one of the saddest missteps of our sex education system (at least in the U.S.) is our glossing over of masturbation, especially for women. People are always razzing women about faking orgasms, but the reality of the situation is: how do we expect someone to know how they like to get off if we never give them the tools to explore themselves? So, in defiance of this asinine idea that lady self lovin’ be kept under wraps, I’m here to shout it from the rooftops and talk about all the different ways that women get themselves off!

There is no one right way to masturbate. Masturbation is a wholly personal experience that really comes down to stimulating your body in whatever way feels good. Sure, the woman in that porno you just watched was flat on her back with her legs spread open, gently stroking her clit with two fingers. Sure, that’s one way to jerk off (the most camera angle friendly way, even), but as with anything else in porno, it’s definitely not the do all and say all when it comes to sex. That said, there are an infinite number of ways that women get themselves off. The techniques mentioned below are really just a drop in the bucket (well, the most common drops) when it comes to women getting busy solo style.

While there are tons of ways to do it, most women masturbate by stimulating their clitoris, whole vulva, vagina or a combo of all or some of them. Some women get themselves hotter by touching their breasts, thighs and other erogenous zones, but usually need some sort of genital component to reach the big O. The G-spot is can also be a big player during masturbation. It may be difficult for women to reach on their own, but there are sex toys that are specifically shaped to hit the sweet spot.
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It’s that time of year when romance is in the air. Yeah, I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s a whole lot nicer than ‘it’s the time of year when everything is grey and slushy and you are just as likely to step in snow covered dog poop than not,’ so just bear with me. Valentine’s Day may be around the corner, but even after it passes, there’s no rule that says the romance needs to fizzle. In fact, now is the perfect time to make your days sizzle with romance and amazing sex. You’re already hibernating inside under all those blankets, so really, why not make a warm little tent for two (or three, or four…) and show your partner exactly what you meant when you said you needed to “warm up.” And not to worry if you are a little light in the wallet area right now (you and everyone else), these romance reigniters are budget friendly and easy to pick up around town.

- Pick up an inexpensive back massager at the drugstore. The ones that come with a variety of interchangeable heads may be your best bet. Then treat your partner to a full body massage before zeroing in on their bits. For women, run the massager lightly over her vulva and around the insides of her thighs, then head over to the sweet spot, her clit. For guys, travel down the insides of his thighs, then gently massage his balls while you use your hand on his dick. Press the massager lightly against his perineum – the spot between is balls and butthole – to give him a real thrill.

- Some people may think of this as cliché (like it really matters if it feels amazing…), but don’t forget about your local grocery store when you are looking for a sweat treat. Chocolate syrup and whip cream are prefect to lick off your partner’s body, as well as ice cream if you want a little chilly jolt. Don’t under estimate the hotness factor of being licked up and down your body - or doing the licking. Trust me, you will have your partner making sounds you never hear before. Just be careful when it comes to sugary products near your vag, they can cause nasty yeast infections. And while we are trying to get nasty, we definitely don’t mean that way. Ick.

- To add a little kinky kick, tie your bedmate to the bed with silky scarves. Don’t tie them too tight, you don’t want to cut off circulation, but just enough to let them know to stay put. Use a scarf as a blindfold as well to add an extra element of anticipation. When your partner is all tied and ready to go, move another scarf lightly over their body to invigorate their nerves. Also think about playing with a feather or any other soft and sensual material.

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Each year as December 31st nears, every magazine, TV show, website, distant relative, whatever/whoever gives a list of what they think are the best ways to “better yourself” in the upcoming year. While most of these New Year’s resolutions make sense in a betterment way, according to research only 8% of people successfully achieve their resolutions. Eight percent! That means 92% are left feeling like they suck. What fun is that?

In the spirit of sex positivity and welcoming in the new year, I’ve decided to redefine the most popular resolutions out there to make them exciting and offer up some great tips on how to keep them… sexy style, of course. And who doesn’t want to have more awesome sex in the year to come?!

Lose Weight/Go To The Gym - Fuck losing weight to fit into anyone else’s idea of what the ideal body should be. Being healthy is important though, if not just for your health’s sake, then for your sex life. Keeping fit keeps your sex drive up and your stamina and endurance going to make those sexy sessions last longer and longer. That’s right, that exhausting cardio class at the gym can actually translate to hotter sex. And who doesn’t like that?

Learn Something New/Find A Hobby – Always wanted to learn how to give really good head? Now’s the time! Sure, you could take up knitting or cooking, but wouldn’t you rather know how to give an amazing hand job? Try learning a useful new skill, like knot tying, that you can take back to your bedroom and really heat up these cold January nights. Take this time of new discoveries to get to know yourself and figure out exactly what you enjoy. I think finding new and exciting ways to get off is way better than a book club any day.
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Contrary to popular belief, sex is not a linear event.  While all the movies show that first you kiss, then you take off the shirts, then down the pants with your hands, then mouth, and then get to the real deal - intercourse, that’s not really how things have to be.  Who says I can’t go down on my partner, then just kiss her?  Or only fuck her with my hands?  In reality, there is no right or wrong way to fuck. And just because handjobs are foreplay to some folks, it doesn’t mean a good handjob can’t take you all the way home and beyond.

To get my point across loud and clear, I am putting a moratorium on the idea of foreplay. I am of the firm belief that anything that traditionally comes before intercourse is perfectly capable of standing on its own. And though we may play that way and then go to intercourse, there should be no prescribed agenda or script to follow. In honor of giving the big F.U. to anyone telling anyone else how to have sex, I am offering up a two-part Sex Tips that deal directly with our five fingered friends, our hands!

The first part of this Sex Tips covered our XY chromosomed friends, so now we are heading into lady territory! Call it finger fucking, finger banging, fingering, or whatever you will, it’s all the same thing - using your fingers/whole hand to stimulate a woman’s most sensitive bits.

Let’s talk about the basics of a handjob. No matter what it looks like on the movie or tv screens, giving a woman a handjob is a lot more than just ramming your fingers into her vag. It’s an art, and it takes way more skill to make a woman orgasm than just blindly pawing at her goods. For women, hand jobs come in a few different flavors - some women like only their clitoris touched, while others are strictly about penetration, though many women enjoy both fingers on their clit and inside their vagina.
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Intercourse and handjobs are like chocolate ice cream and strawberry ice cream – they are both equally tasty and fun, and you don’t have to partake in just one, or both. In fact, you can have two scoops, or just a lick of each. Sex is the same way. While it’s become the norm to think of sex as a linear event (ie. first base, then second base, third, and onward to the home run), in reality, there is no right or wrong way to fuck. And just because handjobs are foreplay to some folks, it doesn’t mean a good handjob can’t take you all the way home and beyond.

To get my point across loud and clear, I am putting a moratorium on the idea of foreplay. I am of the firm belief that anything that traditionally comes before intercourse is perfectly capable of standing on its own. And though we may play that way and then go to intercourse, there should be no prescribed agenda or script to follow. In honor of giving the big F.U. to anyone telling anyone else how to have sex, I am offering up a two-part Sex Tips that deal directly with our five fingered friends, our hands!

First up I’m giving the guys some love… well, them and the sexy strapped on gals. I’m talkin’ bout man-handling the manbits, stroking the sausage, wankin’ the weiner – basically how to give the best of the best handjob around. Next week you guys get a little lady bit lovin’!

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October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month here in the states.  During this month, doctors, activists, survivors, and friends/families/loved ones of survivors and victims of the disease work hard to promote breast cancer awareness, share information, and provide access to screenings.  We here at HotMoviesForHer.com decided to join in the fight against breast cancer by speaking up about cancer and sexuality, helping make a taboo subject a little sexier.

Cancer is not sexy.  But cancer survivors and people fighting cancer can be sexy - and interested in sex, and have sex, and want sex.  Basically, they are not asexual.  I know this sounds like a pretty straightforward idea, but it is common for people with cancer and cancer survivors become desexualized in the eyes of others.  This is especially true of many medical professionals who consistently forgo mentioning sex and sexuality to their patients during their conversations about day-to-day differences of living with/surviving the disease.

One of the biggest barriers to sex and cancer is the lack of communication about it – between doctor and patient, between partners, even between the brain and body of a person fighting the disease.  People tend to focus on the illness and forget that there is a whole person underneath it.  And one part of being a whole person is having a sexual identity and sexual needs.  Just because they have cancer doesn’t mean they are cancer.
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My partner’s penis is smaller than I’d like, what are the best positions to maximize his goods?
-Desperately Seeking Size
Miami, FL

Not all penises were created equal. Some are bigger, some smaller and, unfortunately, some fall into the “what am I supposed to do with that?!?” category (which includes both the very small and very big). While some people love the smaller stallions, others need a little more horsepower. One of the downsides to having sex using a biological cock (other than the whole baby-making aspect) is that unlike using a harness and dildo, you’re man’s meat is stationary. You can’t just swap out an undesirable size for one that works better with your shape and size preference. But not to fear, there are easy workarounds to get past the problem of the pequeño penis.

Fortunately for us, the body is a bendy and exciting tool in the arsenal of tricks you can use to enhance your sex life. The positions that best suit a smaller suitor are ones that compact the vagina to make it as short as possible. Shorter vagina means that you get deeper penetration and feel more of your vagina being stimulated by his penis.
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