Ah, the booty, a magical, taboo place of wonder.  The anus has an amazing amount of delicious nerve endings that are just waiting to be stimulated.  Unfortunately the stigma and mystery around it causes so many folks to forgo the fantastic action they could be enjoying.  Along with being a great place to play, the bum has a few rules you need to abide by when flipping over.  Today’s HotMovies4Her Tips focuses on the 4 Cardinal Rules of Anal Action.

Lube, Lube, Lube.  When you think you’ve lubed enough, lube some more.  Unlike the vagina, the anus is not a self lubricating orifice and you need to add lube to the mix to cut down on the friction.  Why would you want to soften the friction, you ask?  Because the anal canal is made up of delicate tissue that can easily tear if you thrust around without proper lubrication.  I heard a great analogy the other day that I just need to pass along.  Trying to have anal sex without lube is like trying to go down a waterslide without any water in it (yes in your bathing suit, where all your skin is rubbing against the slide – ouch!).  Lube it up.

Slow down!  Nothing about anal sex is a race, so if you are looking to get in, get off and go about your day – find something else to do.  The opening to the ass is guarded by two muscle rings – the inner and outer sphincters.  Though they are right next to each other, they function very differently.  The outer sphincter is controlled by you; when you flex your butt and clench it, that’s the muscle you are working.  It’s also the outer sphincter you are opening when you take deep breaths and try to relax to have anal sex.  The inner sphincter is controlled by the autonomic nervous system – the same system that tells your heart to pump and your lungs to breathe.  You have no control over it, though with time and patience, you can train it to relax and open up.  If you are rushing and plowing into as ass without time for it to relax and open its muscles, you are going to create a painful and unpleasant experience for the person attached to the butt.

You have certain flair!  Well, it’s really flare I mean actually… flare as in flared base, which anything you put up a butt should have.  A flared base just means that the base of the toy should be larger than the shaft; it acts as an anchor so that what you are playing with will not get lost in your anus.  You do not want a toy (or anything) to get lost in your butt, which it easily can when lubed up fingers are holding on and powerful orgasm contractions are involved.  A toy lost in your bum is a trip to the emergency room – and a vibrating toy is a go-to-the-ER-right-now situation.  Save yourself the pain and embarrassment, and just make sure you have a toy with a flared base.

Going from mouth to booty is great and going from vag to butt is fine, but going from ass to anywhere else is a no go.  You don’t want bacteria from your bottom getting into your vagina or your mouth because it can cause serious infections, so when you want to play in the ass then move to somewhere else, just be sure to wash your toys, fingers, penis, whatever before sticking them anywhere else.  Or even easier, just use a condom and take it off and change it when you want to move around!

Keep your anal action safe and sexy!  Enjoy!

xoxo
-JD

It’s that time of year ago, when all of us are scrambling to the costume store in search of the perfect Halloween get up.   While the costume store is, of course, just the place to find something for all of the parties you’ve been invited to this month, you know what else the Halloween store is perfect for?  Finding great costumes and accessories to incorporate into your sex life.  That’s right, folks, I’m talking about role playing!

Now that sexy costumes have really become the norm for Halloween, there are an abundance of skimpy character frocks in the shops – definitely way bigger of a selection than your average naughty lingerie or sex toy store’s year-round picks.  Here are a few great tips to send you on your way into the costume shop with confidence and sex on the brain!

- Don’t forget the accessories.  Even if the full costumes are a little too heavy on the wallet, you can always pick up a few identifying details and use what you already have for the rest.  Have a police woman fantasy?  Grab a pair of handcuffs and a hat at the store, then just toss on some blue clothes you have at home. Done and done.

- Speaking of handcuffs, be very careful using the accessories you get at the Halloween store as  sex toys.  Sure, the handcuffs will keep your partner’s hands in one place, but they are not really intended for play and may cut or scrape their wrists or be uncomfortable.  Same thing goes for those “Indiana Jones” bull whips that the costume shop sells.  They are not the same thing as the whips sold at sex toy shops, and using them can result in injury and all sorts of other bad things.  If you are interested in playing with these toys for real, definitely check in with a reputable sex toy store (online or locally) and get the goods that are intended to get rough with!

- Think outside the box!  You and your partner may have a whole host of fantasies that are already flushed out and known to be winners when it comes to getting turned on, but when you actually get to the store, there will be costumes for characters you never even knew existed (sexy Ghostbuster?  Slimer fantasies!).  Maybe step away from your comfort zone and established fantasies and try a whole bunch of different identities (and costumes) on.  Just remember that the nothing will feel quite as sexy during the middle of the day in florescent-lit dressing rooms.  Expect that.

- Don’t worry that it’s late in the season.  I purposely wait until it’s nearly Halloween to send out this post because, while the costume shop is fully stocked in August, the deep discounts come out on November 1st.  I am a big fan of shopping the sales directly after a holiday and reaping the benefits.  Sure, you won’t have that sexy pirate costume for the big party, but that’s not what it was really for anyway, was it?

- And remember to have fun!  This is sex, after all, and it’s supposed to be exciting and hot!  Bring your partner to the store and have them pick out things for you to try on, or surprise them later with all the great finds you picked up.  Either way, have a very, very Happy Halloween… and all 364 other days of the year enjoying your new toys!

xoxo
- JD

Happy Masturbation Month to one and all! Of course solo sex is a year-round activity, but during the lovely month of May we give an extra shout out to self lovin’ and take it upon ourselves to make sure that folks are enjoying the maximum capacity of masturbation fun. In past years, we’ve touched on the different ways that gals get themselves off, how to buy sex toys, and all the various amazing names we have for ladies loving solo style (who can forget ‘polishing the pearl’ and ‘sending muffin Morse Code’). This time around we’ve decided to get into the details of making your diddle-fest as delightful as possible!

We know that sometimes there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done. A busy schedule and mind can make it easy to fall into a rut without spending any time really enjoying our bodies. Luckily, it doesn’t take a ton of time or energy to make over your rubbing one out ritual. Check out these simple ways to bring the focus back to you.

- Add some lube to the mix. Even ladies that get extra wet can benefit from bringing a little slippery stuff to their solo lovin’. Lube gets everything slick right away, so even if there isn’t much foreplay, you can go from zero to ten at the drop of a hat.

- Sexify your space. Not many folks like getting down and dirty in a dirty room. Who wants to be reminded that they need to do laundry and organize that pile of bills while they try to relax and get off? Try to do a 10 minute pick up before you settle in for a sexy self love session. Set a timer for 10 minutes and try to get as much clutter put away as you can… or at least out of your sight. It’s not about spending hours creating a love den (thought that would be awesome); it’s just making a less distracting space for you to really relax and get your groove on.

- Speaking of creating a relaxing space, don’t be afraid to sexify your chosen jerk joint with candles, fresh flowers, perfumes or anything else that makes you feel frisky. Even after you’ve done the deed, the room will still feel like a special place – and that’s never a bad thing!
- As you are taking the few minutes to get your space looking fine, don’t forget to make sure you’re feeling just as sexy. Think about something you would do to get ready for an evening of fun with a lover, like putting on make-up, or racy underpants. Why not bring those rituals into sex with yourself? Get into the mood by making yourself feel extra sexy and glamorous. You totally deserve it.

- Go for the multiples. Many women are lucky enough to experience multiple orgasms in one sitting. Take advantage of that. You won’t be sorry!

- Break out the toys! When you are feeling stressed for time or even just lazy, it’s so much easier to just call on Rosie Palm and her five friends, even if a vibe you know gives you explosive orgasms is in a drawer across the room. Explore what kind of stimulation works for you and go for it! I mean, as long a one hand is free to untie yourself, why not get as kinky as you like?

- That said, try different positions too. Sure, porn has ladies spread eagle, lying on their backs, but that is just one way that women get off (and the best position to pick it up on camera). Hop up on your knees and go at yourself doggie style, or see if standing garners a ‘standing o.’ You’ll never find out what induces mind-blowing orgasms unless you experiment!

- And, of course, don’t forget about porn enhancing your erotic romp! It’s not just for dudes rocking the lotion and tissues… duh. : )

All in all, just remember to have fun!  Happy Masturbation Month!

xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery

Happy Holidays! Ah, the holidays. It’s that magical time when the world folds in for one giant hug and all there is peace, joy and happiness. And eggnog… can’t forget that. While holiday time means snuggling under the Christmas tree with your significant other for some people, other folks equate this time of year with waiting in long airport lines and forced family togetherness. It’s not that we don’t love our families, but let’s be real, family time and getting busy shouldn’t even be in the same sentence. And who wants to forgo getting off the entirety of the holiday vacation?!? To help you get through the holiday season unscathed and as little sexually frustrated as possible, I’m taking this opportunity to offer up some tips to keep your sane, sexy and satisfied this year. Really, it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

- Air travel is the bane of the holiday season. So many crowds and delayed flights… do you really want to make the experience any harder for yourself? Your best bet for traveling with sex toys is to stow them in your checked luggage. Especially large or phallic shaped toys. The last thing you need is some cranky security guard emptying out your bag to find the “suspiciously shaped item” (read: dildo) in your carry-on. Sure, they might open your checked bag just to double check that your rabbit is actually a vibrator, but at least it’s not in front of a line of wayward passengers.

- If you are traveling with vibrators, make sure to remove the batteries before packing your toys. Not only can the batteries get rattled around and leak, ruining your toy, but your vibe can accidentally turn on in your bag! Along with potentially creating an embarrassing situation, you don’t want anyone mistaking that noise as a bomb or something.

- Treat your lube like any other toiletry and pack it in a waterproof bag, like a sandwich baggie. A suitcase full of lubed up clothes is not the way you want to start the holiday.

- While it may be too late for this year, be sure to take a look at all the latest disguised vibrators. Is that a tube of red lipstick, or a red hot buzzing machine? Vibes come hidden as pens, compacts, cell phones and even rubber duckies! So, even if your nosy little sister goes snooping for her present in your luggage, you are covered. An awesome pick is LELO’s Mia, a lip stick-shaped, USB charging vibe. Holy Amazingness!

- Think about your sleeping situation when you are deciding what toys to pack. Will you be on the couch, or in a room far away from everyone else? If you will be close to others, think about taking your quieter vibes. Even if you brave the airport security with your Hitachi, are you really gonna wanna plug and play at Auntie Jane’s house? The 90 year old neighbor down the block can hear that thing from her house! Stealthy vibes like a mini pocket rocket are perfect for crowded houses and close quarters.

- Don’t have any super quiet toys? Bring along your favorite vibes and just flip on the radio to muffle the sounds before you go to town. Or try getting busy under blankets or put a pillow over your vibrating bits to dampen the buzz. A great alone trick in a busy house is to run a bath and get off while the water is rising. Or better yet, bring a waterproof vibe and get down right in tub!

- And don’t forget – your hand is the quietest, easy to pack and travel with toy in your arsenal! Plus it leaves you room to pack one more pair of shoes. Score!

- If you are traveling with the significant other and looking to get your stocking stuffed, remember that getting it on in a packed house means keeping those moans to a minimum. While that can be frustrating, try to think of it as a sexy new challenge that will make your taboo tryst even hotter.

- If family time is getting to be too much, take your partner on a walk and have a little temperature play fun in the snowy weather. Tease them with dripping stalactites on exposed skin, or hot kisses in the frosty cold.

No matter how you roll this holiday season, be sure to keep it sexy, smoking and secret… and make sure Santa’s not the only one coming (to town)!

Happy Holidays

-J.D. Bauchery

Earlier this month I ran a workshop on anal play for a local toy shop.  Since the class turned out so great and people had so many great questions, I decided to share my handout with our HM4Her readers to make sure that you guys are getting the best of the best when it comes to sex education.  There was so much info that I had to break it into two parts (check out Intro to Anal Play, Part 1)! What what in the butt, let’s get to it!

In the first section I covered all the basics of why people have anal sex, the fears surrounding anal play, the expectations involved with anal sex and all of the basic anatomy of the butt.  Now we get to talk about safety, prep, techniques and toys – all the super sexy good stuff!

Safety Basics

- Anal sex should not hurt. If it hurts, you are doing something wrong.

- Lube, Lube Lube, Lube, Lube! When it comes to butts, you can never use enough lube! Your ass does not self lubricate (like a vagina) so lube is super, extra important. For anal sex, thicker lubes are great. Your best bet is either silicone or water-based lube (as oil-based lubes can weaken condoms, if you are using them), but remember that you cannot use silicone lube with silicone toys. Also remember to add more lube frequently. If you think you’re using too much lube, add some more.

- Whatever you put up your butt must have a flared base that is bigger than the object, keeping it from going all the way in and getting stuck in your rectum. It is no fun and usually ends with a trip to the ER to get whatever it is extracted.

- Never go from the anus to the vagina or mouth without first washing off the toy, penis, finger, what have you. You can go from vag/mouth to butt, but the other way can lead to all sorts of nasty infections that you don’t want.

- Patience! Start slow and keep communication open throughout the experience. Make sure the person attached to the ass is doing alright and feeling good.

- Desensitizing lubes and gels that have a numbing effect (like Anal Ease) aren’t the answer to pain free anal sex and they can actually cause more injury. What you can’t feel can end up hurting you. Plus, if you can’t feel anything, what about your pleasure? Pleasure is the point.

- Keep your fingernails short and clean with smooth edges. The butt has delicate tissues that don’t like to be scratched or torn. If you want to finger an ass and also maintain your mani, try wearing latex gloves. They aren’t just for doctors! Also, if you do have long nails that you want to keep, put a cotton ball in the fingertip of each glove and get to business.

Preparation for Anal Play

- Make sure you are turned on. Get yourself in the mood and get comfortable. Maybe even have an orgasm first to relax and get your blood pumping!

- Take lots of deep breaths! Play some calming music to get relaxed. Anything that gets you comfortable.

- Clench and release your sphincter muscles a few times to get to know your body and how it feels. Try doing it fast and slow to see how it feels.

- Explore yourself. Get to know what’s back there! Start by feeling around the outside of your anus with your finger and when you’re ready, try inserting a well-lubed finger inside your anus.

- Take advantage of shower time and explore while you are nice and soapy.

- Speaking of soap. If you are nervous about dealing with feces, go to the bathroom prior to anal play to clear out anything in your bowels. You can also shower first and insert a soapy finger into your anus to get rid of anything additional. Some people prefer to do an enema before anal sex, but it is not a necessity. You/your partner can also wear a latex glove and/or condom to make clean up a snap.

Techniques & Tips

- Start with a butt massage to get your partner in the mood and relaxed. Begin with kneading the cheeks and running your fingers along the crack before you even reach for the butt hole.

- When you do get to the butt hole, spend some time on the outside before heading straight in. Trace little circles around the opening to the anus with a well-lubed finger. Press the puckered opening (like you would a doorbell) without inserting your finger. Ask your partner (or you, whoever’s ass is being played with) to clench and relax their sphincter muscles while you play with their anus.

- Use your fingertips to press along the butt crack, including the anus.

-Lube up your thumbs and press the pads of them against the anus, switching off in a circular motion – kind of like you are twiddling your thumbs slowly.

-Don’t forget about the genitals too! Just because you are having fun in the back, you should still remember about the vagina, clit, penis, testicles, breasts, kissing , etc. Have your partner play with their own genitals while you have fun exploring their butt!

-When you are ready to go into the anus, have your partner breathe deeply a few times and the last time they exhale, insert your index finger (well-lubed!) into their anus to the first knuckle. Go slowly and be sure to ask your partner if they are ok, if they want you to slow down, go faster, add fingers, etc.

- Once your finger/fingers are inside your partner’s butt, don’t just start thrusting in and out. Stay still for a little bit to get them accustom to the feeling. Have them clench and release a few times to see how they are enjoying it.

-Some people really like when you explore them by pressing your fingers along the inside walls when you are inside their ass. Try up, down, left and right. Go slow and don’t push too hard.

-Once they get comfortable with your fingers and are having fun, maybe incorporate a toy into the experience. A butt plug is always fun because it is designed to stay put while you have fun with other parts of their body (just wash your hands/take of gloves).

- Anal sex can be done in just about any position that vaginal sex can be done. Some people really enjoy the access that they have with doggy style (entering the ass from behind while the recipient is on their knees, bent over), while other people prefer the “bottom” to be on “top,” as they can control the speed and depth of the penetration better with that position. You can also try missionary, spooning, standing, legs over the head, whatever! As you as you can reach the butt you need!

- Remember, the first few inches of the butt are the most sensitive, so you don’t need to go in super far to have a pleasurable experience.

-Don’t forget about the G-Spot and P-Spot, which are both accessible from the anus.

 Here are a few tips of anal toys, including some we have reviewed!

Anal Beads:A series of small beads that are attached by a string or a stalk. Sometimes the beads are the same size and sometimes the increase gradually in size. (Flexi Felix is pictured)

Butt Plug:Diamond or mushroom shaped anal toy with a tapered neck and a flared base. Designed to stay put in your butt. (Little Flirt is pictured)

Anal Beads:Usually a smaller, thinner dildo with a flared base. Great for thrusting in and out. They can be used in a harness as well. (Compact is pictured)

Anal Vibe: A toy that vibrates to stimulate sensitive genital and anal tissues. Lots of butt plugs and dildos come with vibrating bullets that can be inserted into the toy. (Waterproof P-Spot Vibe is pictured)

Prostate Toy: Toys that are specifically designed to stimulate a man’s prostate gland and can intensify orgasm. (Pictured is Aneros MGX)

Now that you’ve got all the sexy, sexy info, go hit those sheets!

Remember to enjoy yourself!  It’s sex, it’s supposed to be fun!

xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery 

Find out more hot butt tips from the Instructional Queen in Nina Hartley’s Advanced Guide To Anal Sex For Men And Women:

In recent years, we have started to really think about what we are doing to our planet and have started taking major steps to cut down on the huge amounts of waste we are accumulating and the destruction we’ve done to our environment. Today is Earth Day, a day which was created to help foster awareness and inspire action to help get ourselves on track and keep the Earth clean and healthy for our future generations. While recycling your trash, using cloth bags when you shop and flipping the light switch when you leave the room are all great ways to get green and very sexy in their own regard, we like to make sure you know how to be eco friendly and extra aware when you are getting sexy. Check out some of these tried and true green tips next time you find yourself in a red hot situation.

- Shower together to save water. Wasting water is not gonna cut it when it comes to being eco conscious, so why not cut down the wasted water with a shower together? To make sure you aren’t letting more go down the drain while you get frisky, get wet and lather each other up, then turn the water off. You’ll still be nice and slippery without wasting any water!

- Unplug yourself. You have better things to do than watch TV or go online and if you play your cards right, you probably won’t be needing the lights on either. Take advantage of the dark – it’s free, doesn’t use any energy and is totally sexy. And if it gets too hot, skip the fan/air conditioning; open a window instead.

- Play with organic foods. Foods grown with pesticides are bad for you and the earth, so bring only organic fruits and veggies into your bedroom. Fruits and veggies are particularly awesome to play with because they are usually sweet, yummy, healthy and have little to no packaging that will go into the landfills.

- Stay home! Why go out and drive somewhere if you can get down and dirty without leaving the house? Skip the car ride, which pollutes the air, and hang out at home instead. And if you need to get out to get your rocks off, take a bike ride.

- Use rechargeable toys… or any of the new toys that are solar powered or use a crank to power up. Cutting down on batteries not only saves on trash, but actually protects our environment by keeping it free of dangerous corrosive materials and pollutants. Many sex toys these days have rechargeable permanent batteries or rely on other non-battery power sources. You may spend a little more $, but you’ll save when it comes time to buy batteries.

- Recycle your toys when they die. Give your beloved sex toys the honor they deserve by sending them to be turned into another useful object instead of just added to a pile of junk.

- Forget about the gym. Gyms use a ton of energy to power those huge treadmills and elliptical machines. Save the gym membership and the planet by getting your exercise horizontally… or vertically, or sideways, upside down, what have you! Sex is a great calorie burner and a whole hell of a lot more fun than the stairmaster.

See, being green can be super sexy. Plus, now you have a few more excuses to turn those lights off and get busy!

Happy Earth Day!

- J.D. Bauchery

It’s that time of year when romance is in the air. Yeah, I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s a whole lot nicer than ‘it’s the time of year when everything is grey and slushy and you are just as likely to step in snow covered dog poop than not,’ so just bear with me. Valentine’s Day may be around the corner, but even after it passes, there’s no rule that says the romance needs to fizzle. In fact, now is the perfect time to make your days sizzle with romance and amazing sex. You’re already hibernating inside under all those blankets, so really, why not make a warm little tent for two (or three, or four…) and show your partner exactly what you meant when you said you needed to “warm up.” And not to worry if you are a little light in the wallet area right now (you and everyone else), these romance reigniters are budget friendly and easy to pick up around town.

- Pick up an inexpensive back massager at the drugstore. The ones that come with a variety of interchangeable heads may be your best bet. Then treat your partner to a full body massage before zeroing in on their bits. For women, run the massager lightly over her vulva and around the insides of her thighs, then head over to the sweet spot, her clit. For guys, travel down the insides of his thighs, then gently massage his balls while you use your hand on his dick. Press the massager lightly against his perineum – the spot between is balls and butthole – to give him a real thrill.

- Some people may think of this as cliché (like it really matters if it feels amazing…), but don’t forget about your local grocery store when you are looking for a sweat treat. Chocolate syrup and whip cream are prefect to lick off your partner’s body, as well as ice cream if you want a little chilly jolt. Don’t under estimate the hotness factor of being licked up and down your body – or doing the licking. Trust me, you will have your partner making sounds you never hear before. Just be careful when it comes to sugary products near your vag, they can cause nasty yeast infections. And while we are trying to get nasty, we definitely don’t mean that way. Ick.

- To add a little kinky kick, tie your bedmate to the bed with silky scarves. Don’t tie them too tight, you don’t want to cut off circulation, but just enough to let them know to stay put. Use a scarf as a blindfold as well to add an extra element of anticipation. When your partner is all tied and ready to go, move another scarf lightly over their body to invigorate their nerves. Also think about playing with a feather or any other soft and sensual material.

- Cool down those hot nights under the blankets with some ice cubes. Temperature play is one of the cheapest and easiest ways to really get your partner goin’. Trail ice along their back, trace their nipples or run it wherever makes them squirm. Really, you can pretty much do anything with it because it’s just water and it won’t hurt your body or stain your sheets. And it’s free!

- Watch porno! With video on demand sites (like HM4Her), you can easily log onto the computer and pick from a huge selection of flicks to get you guys extra in the mood. And at only a few cents a minute, getting your porno fix this way is super cheap, easy and totally convenient. Maybe bookmark a few movies you think would be good beforehand so you aren’t frantically trying to pick when all you want to do is get busy. Bring your laptop into the bedroom (or wherever you are) and set it up close enough to watch, but be sure not to put it somewhere that it will not fall easily when you get into the heavy bumping and grinding. If you only have a desktop model, don’t worry! Computer chairs work wonders when it comes to lap dances. Plus, there’s nothing sexier than getting close and sharing a seat while you get all hot and bothered.

- Bring a book! Try reading erotica out loud to turn up the temp on your night. Take turns reading stories to each other and maybe even acting out the activities as they come up. You’d never think a bookworm could be so hot! And if you don’t get to finish your story (which you probably won’t), you can always pick up where you left off next time! This way, one book can give you tons of happy nights, which makes the price tag (though not usually too high) totally worth the investment.

-One very overlooked tip when it comes to turning on the romance and spicing up you sexin’ is clean your room. Whether it’s your bedroom, living room, kitchen, office or wherever, there is nothing sexy about getting busy in the middle of clutter and dust. I’m not talking hospital corners on the sheets or anything, but spending ten minutes sweeping through and straightening can up the hot factor exponentially. Remember, it doesn’t have to take a ton of effort to let it show that you care. Plus, it gives you more options if you want to move from the bed to the floor… or dresser… or countertop… or dining room table.

Now matter how you decide to really crank the heat on these winter nights, have fun doing it. Romance is about both (or however many) of you, so don’t stress about it too much or you will miss the point. Stay warm and get hot!

Really expand you romantic repertoire with Sexual Imagination – 8 WaysTo Spice It Up:

Each year as December 31st nears, every magazine, TV show, website, distant relative, whatever/whoever gives a list of what they think are the best ways to “better yourself” in the upcoming year. While most of these New Year’s resolutions make sense in a betterment way, according to research only 8% of people successfully achieve their resolutions. Eight percent! That means 92% are left feeling like they suck. What fun is that?

In the spirit of sex positivity and welcoming in the new year, I’ve decided to redefine the most popular resolutions out there to make them exciting and offer up some great tips on how to keep them… sexy style, of course. And who doesn’t want to have more awesome sex in the year to come?!

Lose Weight/Go To The Gym - Fuck losing weight to fit into anyone else’s idea of what the ideal body should be. Being healthy is important though, if not just for your health’s sake, then for your sex life. Keeping fit keeps your sex drive up and your stamina and endurance going to make those sexy sessions last longer and longer. That’s right, that exhausting cardio class at the gym can actually translate to hotter sex. And who doesn’t like that?

Learn Something New/Find A Hobby – Always wanted to learn how to give really good head? Now’s the time! Sure, you could take up knitting or cooking, but wouldn’t you rather know how to give an amazing hand job? Try learning a useful new skill, like knot tying, that you can take back to your bedroom and really heat up these cold January nights. Take this time of new discoveries to get to know yourself and figure out exactly what you enjoy. I think finding new and exciting ways to get off is way better than a book club any day.

Be More Assertive – Whether you are talking about your professional life, personal relationships or in bed, having your needs be heard is really important. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want… even if you’re not 100% sure you even want it. What I mean by that is to share your fantasies. Even if you discover that you don’t, in reality, like being submissive, you’d never have found that out unless you got a chance to try. Of course it’s important to be respectful of your partner’s boundaries and own desires, but if you find yourself continuously giving and getting your delights pushed to the side, there is the perfect time to test that assertiveness.

Reduce/ Manage stress – Masturbation, masturbation, masturbation! Orgasms relieve stress. The more you get off, the more relaxed you feel. This advice also works just as well with other people. It doesn’t matter how you cum, just cum!

Spend More Time With Wife/Husband/Significant Other – Make date nights with your significant other. Have sex. Keep the passion alive by role playing or trying new positions or whatever sounds sexy to you – just make sure to spend time together.

Get Out of Debt – Sex is free… well, the legal kind at least. Instead of going out to dinner, movie, coffee, etc., have fun at home. Make a game of cards into strip poker or watch a movie you already have on DVD, but add a twist and make it a rule to lose an article of clothing at each specific point (like whenever Woody Allen stutters, or Jean-Claude Van Damme blows up a building). You’ll save money and have way more fun. Don’t have someone you want to play at home with? Try making dates at cheap places, like parks or free attractions, and maybe you’ll find that special someone(s) that you want to bring back for some free lovin’.

Get organized – A clean space is a relaxing space. Organization is really helpful when you are in a hurry to find what you are looking for. This is a definite when it comes to sex toys. You never want to be rooting around for your favorite vibrator when your pants are around your ankles and you are ready to go. Believe me, that ends up being a major boner killer. Take the time to thoroughly clean your toys and organize them to make it as easy as possible to find what you want, when you want it. Think about putting your favorite/most frequently used toys at the top of the toy box, or in a nightstand drawer close to the bed. Just remember that silicone toys cannot be stored touching each other, as they will end up melting together. And it totally defeats the purpose to have to go out and replace your toys when all you want is to get off.

Good luck with your resolutions and have fun checking them off the list!

-J.D. Bauchery

My partner’s penis is smaller than I’d like, what are the best positions to maximize his goods?
-Desperately Seeking Size
Miami, FL

Not all penises were created equal. Some are bigger, some smaller and, unfortunately, some fall into the “what am I supposed to do with that?!?” category (which includes both the very small and very big). While some people love the smaller stallions, others need a little more horsepower. One of the downsides to having sex using a biological cock (other than the whole baby-making aspect) is that unlike using a harness and dildo, you’re man’s meat is stationary. You can’t just swap out an undesirable size for one that works better with your shape and size preference. But not to fear, there are easy workarounds to get past the problem of the pequeño penis.

Fortunately for us, the body is a bendy and exciting tool in the arsenal of tricks you can use to enhance your sex life. The positions that best suit a smaller suitor are ones that compact the vagina to make it as short as possible. Shorter vagina means that you get deeper penetration and feel more of your vagina being stimulated by his penis.

One great position to maximize your man is taking it from behind, or doggy style. Not only does this shorten the vagina because of the angle of your body, but this position helps resolve issues of falling out that some men with smaller penises deal with. Doggy style also makes it easier for him to thrust vigorously and penetrate deeper by pulling your body back toward him by your hips.

Another highly recommended position for deeper penetration is modified missionary – you lying on your back with your legs lifted and bended and knees tucked into your chest, him on top of you. The way your body folds in this position shortens the vagina significantly, making a smaller penis feel gigantic in seconds. You can switch up this position as well by spreading your legs out in a “V” and having him grab your ankles and push them toward your head. He should begin kneeling on his knees for this position and can lean more into your body as he uses your legs to stabilize his own body and his thrusts.
If a smaller penis still isn’t really doing it for you vaginally, what about anal sex? Your butt is filled with tingly little nerve endings that feel amazing during penetration and while you might have a size issue again after a while, starting out with something smaller – like a smaller penis – in your butt is a great way to begin. Plus you get all the enjoyment of penetration and thrusting and none, or at least less, of disappointment of not being fully satisfied.

Another great, albeit delicate to discuss, option for people dealing with penis size issues (either too large or too small) is talking to your partner about incorporating a strap on into the mix. Harnesses and dildos are not only for lesbians. Plenty of straight couples and gay men use them to add variety to their sex lives (think double penetration!!). There is no reason why your partner couldn’t fuck you with his penis, then strap on a larger dildo to satisfy your need for deeper penetration. For couples dealing with too large a package, the penis then dildo method might not work as well because penetration with too large a penis may be uncomfortable, but you could always try blow job/dildo, or hand job/dildo or any other combination of sex acts that suite your fancy. Remember, there is no prescribed way to have sex. It’s all about what feels right and comfortable for everyone involved.

Maximizing your man’s goods to their maximum potential comes down to communication. Sure, it’s not the easiest conversation you may have, but in the long run it may save you many a night of mediocre sex. Instead you could be having phenomenal sex with the exact same equipment.

And let’s not forget that length isn’t everything. The first 1/3 of the vagina is most rich with nerve endings anyway, so for many women, the length of a man’s penis is fairly inconsequential. As well, many women prefer smaller penises, as larger and longer ones can not only intimidate, but be painful for penetration. A small penis doesn’t equal bad penis or bad sex, it just may mean having more fun experimenting with different positions and sensations, but hey, all penises or vaginas could mean that! Face any sexual hurdle with positivity and excitement and you’ll find that no matter the issue, you will have much more fun than if you brought a bad attitude. Just like most things in life, sex is way better when you focus on the good stuff.

Remember, good things come in small packages.

-J.D. Bauchery

Oh, G-Spot. To some you are so simple, and to others, you are harder to crack than the Da Vinci code. A few months ago I wrote a basic intro to the G-Spot, but since then, I’ve received tons of inquiries to find out even more about the mysterious Gräfenberg Spot. So, I’ve decided to get down and dirty with our good friend G again and bring you all I can about our international man of mystery.

Plus – and this is a very exciting bonus – our good friends over at Babeland have offered to give us an awesome G-Spot lovin’ prize to giveaway to one of our lucky readers! The Orchid G + Smart Girls Guide to the G-Spot Combo! To win this combo, send your name and address to The Porn Librarianany time between Monday, Sept. 1 at 8am and Friday, Sept. 5 at 12 noon (EST). Make sure you put “G-Spot Giveaway” in the subject. She will draw a name on Friday and email the lucky winner! Unfortunately this giveaway is limited to U.S. residents only. Sorry to all you Canucks and friends on the other side of the pond!

Ok, back to the Spot in the spotlight! Before I get into the “even more” about the G-Spot, let’s have a quick look back at the basics:

What is the G-Spot? Well, first off the G-Spot isn’t so much a spot as an area on the front wall of the vagina that is highly sensitive when a woman is aroused.  The easiest way to find the G-spot is to have a woman (or any vagina carrying person) lie on her back. Insert two fingers into her vagina (palm up) and curl them up in a “come hither” motion. The G-spot feels like a quarter-sized spongey area that will become engorged and slightly hard when a woman is aroused.

Some people experience a deeper, fuller body orgasm with G-Spot stimulation and some can even ejaculate from a G-spot orgasm!

Everyone’s bodies are different though, and to some people, rubbing the G-Spot does nothing for them. Others experience a feeling like they need to pee when their G-Spot is stimulated. No matter how touching your G-Spot affects you, nothing is wrong with you – if something doesn’t work for you sexually, why stress over it?

Now on to the nitty gritty! The G-Spot can also be hit during penetrative sex. Many penises (though not all) have a natural curve upward when they are erect. This curve can make the penis an ultimate G-Spot tool if used properly.

The trick is shallow thrusting or pulling back out and in repeatedly. Because the G-Spot is only about 5-7 centimeters from the vaginal opening, a penis that goes deep into the vagina and stays buried deep during thrusting will not hit the G-Spot.

While girl-on-top has been touted as a good G-Spot position for some, having just discussed deep thrusting, I can see where it might not be a good option for others. For girl-on-top, a great suggestion for added G-Spot stimulation is leaning back while being penetrated. This angle can help rub against your magic buttons.

One G-Spot friendly position that has been thumbs-upped by women is one where the woman lies on her back, with a pillow underneath her bottom and pulls her legs up and knees into her chest. The pillow should raise her to about a 15 degree angle. Her partner then thrusts into her shallowly, allowing their penis to go in about 5-8 centimeters to hit the G-Spot.

This position also works really well when the partner stands at the foot of the bed and the woman lies on her back by the edge of the bed, still using the pillow under her bottom, to get the right angle.

Doggy-style, is a great position for G-Spot lovin’ as well. With penetration from behind, the penis is aimed directly at the G-Spot area. Another highly praised position is the Spoons position, where both people can change their angles freely to find the best fit.

Anal penetration can also work to arouse the G-Spot because of indirect stim through the rectal wall. Girl-on-top anal is a good position to reach the G-spot from anal sex.

What about other kinds of penetration, you ask?

Well, lucky us, there are a whole host of toys that are specifically designed for G-Spot stim! These toys usually curve upward or are “U” or “S” shaped and, more often than not, labeled as G-Spot friendly. Dildos and vibrators both come in G-Spot specific models. Check out the list of toys below to get some ideas of what G-Spoteriffic toys are out there just waiting to push your buttons.

Before I get to the toys, I have one last, important topic. Queer sex and G-Spot stimulation. As you probably know, if you’ve read any other sex tip I’ve written, when I say “penis,” I am referring to both a biological male penis and a strapped-on dick. For many obvious reasons they are different, but one main reason that may not be so obvious is that each bio penis can only be one shape, but a strap-on dildo can be switched out! This means that you can strap-on a G-Spot specific dildo and go to town in a way that a bio penis can only dream. This isn’t to say that bio men can’t join in on that fun, strap-ons can be used by anyone!

Here is a list of awesome G-Spot toys that are sure to hit the right spot.

Pure Wand – AMAZING! Experience pure heaven with this medical-grade stainless steel, 24 ounce curved barbell Shaped into the perfect G-spot rubbing curve, this weighty toy slips right in and finds my pleasure center with no hesitation. Seriously – sometimes I can’t believe how different it is than anything I’ve ever experienced and how amazing it feels if even just nudged the tiniest bit.

Delight - Right now, the Delight is my favorite toy in my box – literally and figuratively. The price may seem a little steep at first, but you can’t put a price on a great orgasm. The size was perfect in that it matched up with my clit and my g-spot. The Delight also heats up slightly after being used for a long time which feels really good if you’re into slight temperature play. (The Delight was also named the top sex toy at the 2008 UK Sex Toy Awards)

Heartbreaker – This silicone vibe is the kind of toy that every woman should have. It’s a pretty basic vibe, just better made than most. It’s made of Fun Factory’s amazing silicone, which is basically the best thing in the world. The end is slightly curved for g-spot stimulation and its ribbed texture offers amazing sensations.

We-Vibe – Shaped like an oval “C”, the We Vibe has one side that goes inside your pussy to cup against your G-spot and one side to hit your clit, and fits snug against both to work HANDS FREE during penetration. For me, penetration meant being fucked with fingers. And even though fingers can curl perfectly to hit the G-spot, when you’re being fucked hard and fast, you lose some of that direct G-spot contact. That’s where the We came in perfectly. The We stayed put right on my G-spot and clit during even the roughest of thrusting.

Sunflower G-Spot – The vibrating tip, however, is the best part. It stimulated my g-spot in a way I never imagined possible, even with the most skilled fingers. I’d never used a g-spot stimulating vibrator before now and this has quickly become my go-to toy.

SnugglePuss – There are no on and off switches to fumble with, when you apply pressure by opening her U shaped design she turns on for you. She is not finished with her work until you are. She is there to please you. Her uniqueness allows for a slow build up for your G-Spot climax.

Gigi – This toy carries a punch (and is rechargable rather than battery operated, so you’re being earth and wallet friendly too!), has 5 different program settings, and hits your g-spot more accurately than an MLB player can hit a ball (no pun intended).

Be sure to check out our list from the original G-Spot post as well.

And here is a few awesome movies that feature our fabulous friend the G-Spot:

Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide To The G Spot

Nina Hartley’s Guide To G-Spot Sex

The Amazing G Spot And Female Ejaculation

Unlocking The Secrets Of The G-spot – The Ultimate O

Now take this knowledge and G-G-G-Go for it!  And don’t forget our exciting G-Spot Combo Giveaway!

- J.D. Bauchery