It’s that time of year ago, when all of us are scrambling to the costume store in search of the perfect Halloween get up.   While the costume store is, of course, just the place to find something for all of the parties you’ve been invited to this month, you know what else the Halloween store is perfect for?  Finding great costumes and accessories to incorporate into your sex life.  That’s right, folks, I’m talking about role playing!

Now that sexy costumes have really become the norm for Halloween, there are an abundance of skimpy character frocks in the shops – definitely way bigger of a selection than your average naughty lingerie or sex toy store’s year-round picks.  Here are a few great tips to send you on your way into the costume shop with confidence and sex on the brain!

- Don’t forget the accessories.  Even if the full costumes are a little too heavy on the wallet, you can always pick up a few identifying details and use what you already have for the rest.  Have a police woman fantasy?  Grab a pair of handcuffs and a hat at the store, then just toss on some blue clothes you have at home. Done and done.

- Speaking of handcuffs, be very careful using the accessories you get at the Halloween store as  sex toys.  Sure, the handcuffs will keep your partner’s hands in one place, but they are not really intended for play and may cut or scrape their wrists or be uncomfortable.  Same thing goes for those “Indiana Jones” bull whips that the costume shop sells.  They are not the same thing as the whips sold at sex toy shops, and using them can result in injury and all sorts of other bad things.  If you are interested in playing with these toys for real, definitely check in with a reputable sex toy store (online or locally) and get the goods that are intended to get rough with!

- Think outside the box!  You and your partner may have a whole host of fantasies that are already flushed out and known to be winners when it comes to getting turned on, but when you actually get to the store, there will be costumes for characters you never even knew existed (sexy Ghostbuster?  Slimer fantasies!).  Maybe step away from your comfort zone and established fantasies and try a whole bunch of different identities (and costumes) on.  Just remember that the nothing will feel quite as sexy during the middle of the day in florescent-lit dressing rooms.  Expect that.

- Don’t worry that it’s late in the season.  I purposely wait until it’s nearly Halloween to send out this post because, while the costume shop is fully stocked in August, the deep discounts come out on November 1st.  I am a big fan of shopping the sales directly after a holiday and reaping the benefits.  Sure, you won’t have that sexy pirate costume for the big party, but that’s not what it was really for anyway, was it?

- And remember to have fun!  This is sex, after all, and it’s supposed to be exciting and hot!  Bring your partner to the store and have them pick out things for you to try on, or surprise them later with all the great finds you picked up.  Either way, have a very, very Happy Halloween… and all 364 other days of the year enjoying your new toys!

xoxo
- JD

Happy New Year!  Today we are four days into January and officially jumping headfirst into 2011. Now that you’ve had a few days to think things over, it’s time to really hunker down and take resolution writing seriously.  When it comes to listing all of the good intentions we have for the year, every magazine, TV show, website, distant relative, whatever/whoever gives their picks of what they think are the best ways to “better yourself” in the upcoming year. While most of these New Year’s resolutions make sense in a “bettering” context, according to research, only a slim margin of folks successfully achieve their resolutions.  That means whole bunches of other people are left feeling like they suck.  No, ma’am, that’s not gonna fly with us!

In the spirit of sex positivity and welcoming in 2011, we’ve decided to switch things up a bit and redefine the most popular resolutions to make them a little more exciting, as well as offer up a few  tips on how to actually make them stick!  And who would we be if we didn’t make sure they focused on all things sexy and fun?!  So sit back, give a read and take it all to heart, because who has ever said they had a lousy year because of all the great sex they’ve been having?

Lose Weight/Go To The Gym – This isn’t about getting down to a specific size or shape.  Screw losing weight to fit into anyone else’s idea of what your body should look like. Being healthy is important though, both for your health’s sake and your sex life. Keeping fit ups your sex drive up, your stamina and your endurance, making those sexy sessions last longer and longer. And a bigger bonus is that sexin’ is a cardio workout of its own!  Yes you need more than just coital cardio, but there’s nothing wrong with a little multi-tasking when it’s all getting your heart pumping!

Learn Something New/Take Up A Hobby – Always wanted to learn a new skill? Now’s the time! Sure, you could take up knitting or cooking, but wouldn’t you rather learn how to give an amazing hand job? Even taking a seemingly tame class like knot tying (you know, for boats) can be brought back to your bedroom and really heat up these cold January nights. Make time for new discoveries that help you get to know yourself and figure out exactly what you enjoy. Finding new and exciting ways to get off is way better than cooking class any day.

Be More Assertive – Whether you are talking about your professional life, personal relationships or in bed, having your needs heard is very important.  Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want… even if you’re not totally sure you even want it. What I mean by that is to share your desires and fantasies. Even if you discover that you don’t, in reality, like being submissive, you’d never have found that out unless you got a chance to try. Of course it’s important to be respectful of your partner’s boundaries and own fantasies, but if you find yourself continuously giving and getting your own needs pushed to the side, here is the perfect time to test that assertiveness.  Plus, don’t forget that confidence is the sexiest thing ever!

Reduce/ Manage stress –Orgasms relieve stress. The more you get off, the more relaxed you feel. Whether it’s alone or with someone else – doesn’t matter how you cum, just cum!

Get Out of Debt – Sex is free… well, the legal kind at least. Instead of going out to dinner, movie, coffee, etc., have fun at home. Make a game of cards into strip poker or watch a movie you already have on DVD, but add a twist and make it a rule to lose an article of clothing at each specific point (like whenever Woody Allen stutters, or Jean-Claude Van Damme blows up a building). You’ll save money and have way more fun. Don’t have someone you want to play at home with? Try making dates at cheap places, like parks or free attractions, and maybe you’ll find that special someone(s) that you want to bring back for some free lovin’.

Get organized/Keep Your House Clean – A clean space is a relaxing space.  Nix the piles of clutter and mountains of laundry in your bedroom and you’re sure to have way more fun using that room for what it’s intended for – and I don’t mean sleep.  While you’re at it, how about organizing your sex toys into an easy access drawer right next to the bed?  Who wants to be rummaging around for a specific toy while they’ve got one hand on their (or someone else’s) bits!  That’s a boner killer if ever there was one!  On that note, why not make a full out drawer full of lube, condoms and everything you’d ever need – all within arm’s reach!  The easier it is to get it on, the more fun you’ll have!

Good luck with your resolutions and have fun making them stick!

xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery

(picture via PR Musings)

While I’ll admit I do have a place in my heart for super fruity Sex On The Beach cocktails, I can’t say I feel the same way about the actual sexy act of screwing in the sand.  In fact, I pretty much have a strong aversion to any sex where unwelcome hangers on follow the pleasure train anywhere near my vag, and unfortunately, that’s what summertime outdoor sexin’ is to me.

I know, I know, getting’ busy in the great outdoors sounds like a fabulous idea.  And yes, in theory it is an awesome idea, but in practice there are some major logistical obstacles to navigate.  It may seem like I am being a Debby Downer, but try to think of me more as a Realistic Rhonda that wants to give you all the info before you end up with bug bites the size of silver dollars all over your bare bottom.

Luckily in the last few years we at HM4Her have written up some super helpful tips for getting through the summer with as few causalities as possible.  Check out our sage advice from summers past.

The Motion of the Ocean

Sex and water are one hot duo. Not only do you get that thrill of exhibitionism if you are in a public place (though try to keep it out of kid heavy areas, oh and um… it’s kinda illegal), you get to try out all sorts of new and exciting positions while you float nearly weightlessly through the water. Not too mention easy access through bikini bottoms and pulling the trunks down a bit! Tee Hee!

There is a little snafu though. It’s not the water that’s the problem, it’s what’s IN the water that makes for a questionable situation. Water than contains chlorine, salt, or bacteria can all pose risk of infection or irritation when it’s forced into the vagina during penetration and thrusting. That basically means all pools, lakes, oceans, rivers and Jacuzzis can mean risky business for getting down and dirty… um, literally.




Fun In The Sun

What are the two biggest things to remember when you’re doing strenuous activity in the hot summer sun? Stay hydrated and use plenty of sun block! Well, the same goes for getting busy on a sunshiney day. Make sure you have water on hand to keep the dehydration away and definitely go head to toe with the SPF! You really don’t want to have to explain to people why your ass is so sunburned you can’t sit down. Why not make the application part of the fun and rub each other down? It’s all about the protection, people. And let’s not forget about the bug spray…



My Name is Sandy… Sandy Vagina

Now, unless you go all out and super prepare for having sex on the beach, my two cents on the matter says don’t even bother. Sure it looks all romantic and swoony in the movies, but the cold, gritty reality is that sex on the beach means little grainy sand particles up in all your cervices. And I know I want nothing to do with that. The best way I’ve heard to combat the sandy dilemma is to go with a zippered sleeping bag. While it makes sense that most sand would stay out, I still see a few granules creeping in, so I’m a little hesitant. But for braver souls than I, definitely grab your camping gear out of the closet and hit the beach running.

Also, you are in public, no matter how secluded you think you are. If you’re planning to have sex on the sand, wear a dress and keep it on while you get it on. It’s way easier than having to scramble back into your sandy clothes if someone – particularly a cop – should wander your way.



Notes From Camp (by former HM4Her’er Essin’ Em)

First of all, may I please recommend you invest in a cheap air mattress. It doesn’t have to be fancy, even inflatable rafts will do. You’ll be very thankful I suggested this. No, really. The ground is HARD and air mattresses are also good for sleeping, as well as a sex-ing, so I give them a thumbs up.

As far as sleeping bags go, I thought I was pretty ingenious…I bought two cheap single sleeping bags and zipped them together to create a queen sized sleeping bag for the two of us to share. It was ideal both for sex and for cuddling without losing body heat to the cold outdoors. They make special “couples” sleeping bags, too. You can use your own personal bags as well — just think about how cold it’ll be at 11pm when you’re naked in the middle of the wilderness. Something to consider.

I’m speaking mostly about tent sex because I wasn’t ready to let spiders, ticks, or other creepy crawlies get anywhere near my vagina, and because I like to keep my vulva mosquito bite free. However, if you’re into to outdoor-outdoor sex, make sure you sprits on some bug spray (and perhaps sun block, depending on your timing) before you go at it, to protect yourself and your partner.




And Now For Some Brilliant Ideas!

- Ooooh, no air conditioning, huh? Not to worry, you can still fuck, though you’re slowly melting to death. Point a few fans on the bed and hop into the shower together on cold blast. Get started with a little hot foreplay in the freezing stream, then run back to the bed while you’re still shivering a little to get the full potential of the air from the fans hitting your dripping skin to keep it cold. Fuck. Rinse. Repeat.

- Or go straight to the source and fill a bowl with ice cubes. Run the little squares of delicious freezing over each other’s skin and enjoy the frigid thrill while you get decidedly unfrigid.

For more sexy summertime advice, take a look at our older posts!

xoxo
-JD

Happy Masturbation Month to one and all! Of course solo sex is a year-round activity, but during the lovely month of May we give an extra shout out to self lovin’ and take it upon ourselves to make sure that folks are enjoying the maximum capacity of masturbation fun. In past years, we’ve touched on the different ways that gals get themselves off, how to buy sex toys, and all the various amazing names we have for ladies loving solo style (who can forget ‘polishing the pearl’ and ‘sending muffin Morse Code’). This time around we’ve decided to get into the details of making your diddle-fest as delightful as possible!

We know that sometimes there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done. A busy schedule and mind can make it easy to fall into a rut without spending any time really enjoying our bodies. Luckily, it doesn’t take a ton of time or energy to make over your rubbing one out ritual. Check out these simple ways to bring the focus back to you.

- Add some lube to the mix. Even ladies that get extra wet can benefit from bringing a little slippery stuff to their solo lovin’. Lube gets everything slick right away, so even if there isn’t much foreplay, you can go from zero to ten at the drop of a hat.

- Sexify your space. Not many folks like getting down and dirty in a dirty room. Who wants to be reminded that they need to do laundry and organize that pile of bills while they try to relax and get off? Try to do a 10 minute pick up before you settle in for a sexy self love session. Set a timer for 10 minutes and try to get as much clutter put away as you can… or at least out of your sight. It’s not about spending hours creating a love den (thought that would be awesome); it’s just making a less distracting space for you to really relax and get your groove on.

- Speaking of creating a relaxing space, don’t be afraid to sexify your chosen jerk joint with candles, fresh flowers, perfumes or anything else that makes you feel frisky. Even after you’ve done the deed, the room will still feel like a special place – and that’s never a bad thing!
- As you are taking the few minutes to get your space looking fine, don’t forget to make sure you’re feeling just as sexy. Think about something you would do to get ready for an evening of fun with a lover, like putting on make-up, or racy underpants. Why not bring those rituals into sex with yourself? Get into the mood by making yourself feel extra sexy and glamorous. You totally deserve it.

- Go for the multiples. Many women are lucky enough to experience multiple orgasms in one sitting. Take advantage of that. You won’t be sorry!

- Break out the toys! When you are feeling stressed for time or even just lazy, it’s so much easier to just call on Rosie Palm and her five friends, even if a vibe you know gives you explosive orgasms is in a drawer across the room. Explore what kind of stimulation works for you and go for it! I mean, as long a one hand is free to untie yourself, why not get as kinky as you like?

- That said, try different positions too. Sure, porn has ladies spread eagle, lying on their backs, but that is just one way that women get off (and the best position to pick it up on camera). Hop up on your knees and go at yourself doggie style, or see if standing garners a ‘standing o.’ You’ll never find out what induces mind-blowing orgasms unless you experiment!

- And, of course, don’t forget about porn enhancing your erotic romp! It’s not just for dudes rocking the lotion and tissues… duh. : )

All in all, just remember to have fun!  Happy Masturbation Month!

xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery

Happy Earth Day everyone!  It’s that one special day of the year when folks are called upon to really look at how they treat the environment around them and asked to make changes to help keep this beautiful planet in good health for generations to come.  And one of the sexiest ways to love the Earth is to get busy green-style!

That’s right – greening up your sex life is an awesome way to help clean up the environment- and bring a little extra dirty into your own bedroom.  Here are a few helpful tips to make your Earth Day super hot – you know, to keep those glaciers cold!

- Turn off the lights!  Yes, screwing in a well-lit room can be totally hot, but why not switch it up a bit and switch that flip!  Getting frisky in the dark can not only add an edge of mystery (where is that hand going!?!), it saves a bunch of energy.  Up the ante with a little romantic moonlight for a totally natural night in the sack.

- Forget about those crap-tastic jelly rubber toys and invest in higher quality sex toys!  Not only will your planet thank you, your body will be super grateful too!  The better quality a toy is, the longer it should last, which means toys get tossed out less frequently, and therefore generate less waste, including packaging.  Along with cutting down trash, higher quality toys are generally better for your body.  Toys made of good materials like 100% silicone, wood, glass and metal are non-porous and phthalate-free, making them body safe and super sexy!  Phthalates are plastic softening chemicals that are found in flexible materials like jelly rubber and PVC.  If chemicals leaching out of your toy and creating a greasy film and gross sickly sweet smell aren’t enough of a deterrent, phthalates have been linked to all sorts of health issues, including cancer.  No thanks!  Stick with the safe stuff!

-  And don’t for get about the lube!  Lots of companies offer organic lubes that have body safe natural ingredients.  Just say no to chemical crap in your body!

-  If it’s the buzz that gets you all tingly, skip the battery powered toys and go for the rechargeable vibes.  Saves you money and saves the world a bunch of battery acid filled waste!  Also a cool idea: hand crank powered vibes and solar powered toys.

- Conserve water by showering together.  Save even more water by keeping the hanky panky for before or after – get in, get out, get busy!

- Get dolled up in duds by eco friendly designers.  Check out Enamore Ltd for organic, sustainable underthings.  And think about bamboo sheets next time you are making up the bed after a particularly fun night.

- And lastly, watching porn on video-on-demand, like HotMoviesForHer.com is a great way to reduce the waste from DVD discs and packaging.  Good job guys!

No matter what way you slice it, being more aware of how you affect the planet is a great idea, both in and out of the bedroom.

Happy Earth Day!

xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery

Happy Holidays! Ah, the holidays. It’s that magical time when the world folds in for one giant hug and all there is peace, joy and happiness. And eggnog… can’t forget that. While holiday time means snuggling under the Christmas tree with your significant other for some people, other folks equate this time of year with waiting in long airport lines and forced family togetherness. It’s not that we don’t love our families, but let’s be real, family time and getting busy shouldn’t even be in the same sentence. And who wants to forgo getting off the entirety of the holiday vacation?!? To help you get through the holiday season unscathed and as little sexually frustrated as possible, I’m taking this opportunity to offer up some tips to keep your sane, sexy and satisfied this year. Really, it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

- Air travel is the bane of the holiday season. So many crowds and delayed flights… do you really want to make the experience any harder for yourself? Your best bet for traveling with sex toys is to stow them in your checked luggage. Especially large or phallic shaped toys. The last thing you need is some cranky security guard emptying out your bag to find the “suspiciously shaped item” (read: dildo) in your carry-on. Sure, they might open your checked bag just to double check that your rabbit is actually a vibrator, but at least it’s not in front of a line of wayward passengers.

- If you are traveling with vibrators, make sure to remove the batteries before packing your toys. Not only can the batteries get rattled around and leak, ruining your toy, but your vibe can accidentally turn on in your bag! Along with potentially creating an embarrassing situation, you don’t want anyone mistaking that noise as a bomb or something.

- Treat your lube like any other toiletry and pack it in a waterproof bag, like a sandwich baggie. A suitcase full of lubed up clothes is not the way you want to start the holiday.

- While it may be too late for this year, be sure to take a look at all the latest disguised vibrators. Is that a tube of red lipstick, or a red hot buzzing machine? Vibes come hidden as pens, compacts, cell phones and even rubber duckies! So, even if your nosy little sister goes snooping for her present in your luggage, you are covered. An awesome pick is LELO’s Mia, a lip stick-shaped, USB charging vibe. Holy Amazingness!

- Think about your sleeping situation when you are deciding what toys to pack. Will you be on the couch, or in a room far away from everyone else? If you will be close to others, think about taking your quieter vibes. Even if you brave the airport security with your Hitachi, are you really gonna wanna plug and play at Auntie Jane’s house? The 90 year old neighbor down the block can hear that thing from her house! Stealthy vibes like a mini pocket rocket are perfect for crowded houses and close quarters.

- Don’t have any super quiet toys? Bring along your favorite vibes and just flip on the radio to muffle the sounds before you go to town. Or try getting busy under blankets or put a pillow over your vibrating bits to dampen the buzz. A great alone trick in a busy house is to run a bath and get off while the water is rising. Or better yet, bring a waterproof vibe and get down right in tub!

- And don’t forget – your hand is the quietest, easy to pack and travel with toy in your arsenal! Plus it leaves you room to pack one more pair of shoes. Score!

- If you are traveling with the significant other and looking to get your stocking stuffed, remember that getting it on in a packed house means keeping those moans to a minimum. While that can be frustrating, try to think of it as a sexy new challenge that will make your taboo tryst even hotter.

- If family time is getting to be too much, take your partner on a walk and have a little temperature play fun in the snowy weather. Tease them with dripping stalactites on exposed skin, or hot kisses in the frosty cold.

No matter how you roll this holiday season, be sure to keep it sexy, smoking and secret… and make sure Santa’s not the only one coming (to town)!

Happy Holidays

-J.D. Bauchery

While the traditions of Thanksgiving now center on eating a big dinner and making turkey pictures out of hand prints, this holiday was once actually all about sharing skills and giving thanks for the good things. Obviously they were talking about sex. Okay, fine, it was all about the harvest, but really, I like to think it was all about hot puritan sex. Show me your ankles, you dirty thing. So in the spirit of the stuffing and gravy, here are a few tips to make some bedroom tradition of your own!

- Show Thanks. Let your partner know exactly how much you enjoy the way they nibbled on your labia or kiss behind your ears. Get out of that taking-for-granted rut and bring a sense of genuine thanks to your sexy time. Don’t want to just come out and say thank you? Gush your gratitude during dirty talk and moan out the many things you love, all the while, licking down their body…

- Get Stuffed! As we all know, Thanksgiving is about stuffing yourself with food, stuffing all your family time into one night, and of course, eating stuffing. The thing about stuffing is that everyone has a different recipe, everyone likes a different kind and everyone thinks the kind they like is the best. Sometimes when people try a new kind of stuffing, they love it, and other times, it just reminds them of how much they truly love their own pick. That said, in the spirit of the season, try a couple new things and see if they stick, or if you’d rather, just toss em’ out with the bag of giblets. Either way, you’ve explored the options.

- Another Get Stuffed idea along similar lines is to take the suggestion literally and really go get stuffed. By that I mean test out new toys in different sizes and materials to see if something completely out of the ordinary strikes your fancy. For those looking to really get “stuffed,” be sure to check out steel or glass toys. Both materials are nice and heavy and offer no extra give or squishiness. For a free and easy alternative to toys, go for an extra finger wherever you like fingers to go.

- Pass On The Stuff That’s Just Okay. Not a huge fan of cranberry sauce? So, skip it. Why bother wasting your precious belly space with something you are just “eh” about when you can hold out for the sweet potato casserole and pumpkin pie? Same goes for sex. If you are just okay with having your pussy licked, but you’d really rather have that tongue on your nipples, tell your partner. They are giving you head for your pleasure, and will probably appreciate using their sexual energy on something you really like, rather than wasting all those tongue strokes on the wrong part. That said, remember that sometimes you need to eat that homemade pie as to not offend the baker. You might not love pecans, but you just gotta take one for the team. Same goes for getting your partner off.

- Share! Get into the spirit of that first Thanksgiving (or at least the story we in school) and share your knowledge and skills. Teach your partner a new trick or divulge a super secret fantasy. Have them show you exactly how they like their balls touched or g-spot stroked. Then celebrate the fruits of your labor. You deserve it! But unlike the early settlers, keep your infectious diseases to yourself.

Happy Thanksgiving!  Don’t forget to save some whipped cream for the pumpkin pie!

- J.D. Bauchery

Happy Halloween! We are back at the spooky time of year where haunting and hot get together for a roll in the hay. While a good scare can get our blood pumping almost as well as a mind-blowing orgasm, I prefer to look at Halloween as the perfect time to bring your most exciting fantasies to life with the magic of role playing! Bringing costumes and props into the bedroom is a great way to have even more fun during sex. It’s the perfect opportunity to try something new! Fancy a shag with a scantily clad French maid? Go for it! What about being the cop to your own barely dressed bandit? Don’t forget the handcuffs!

Not only can you rely on this time of year to easily find costumes of all of your bedroom needs, you can find sexy versions of everything, from nurses to nuns! All you have to do is open the package (I love a good pun!) and there you go – a completely sexy witch set in 2 seconds flat. The second best part of using the Halloween store to your sex life’s advantage is that while those costumes can be a pretty penny, they will be way less money than anything you could buy at sex toy stores or lingerie shops any other time of the year. And in these economic times, saving money is the sexiest thing of all!

Whether you are testing the role playing waters or a skilled pro looking for a few new tricks to treat your partner to, follow these terrifyingly helpful tips for bringing the bounty of the season into your bedroom!

- Forget about rushing to the store as soon as it opens in August. Head to the costume shop on Halloween, or especially the day after, to get the best deals on stores’ extra inventory. While the selection may not be as stellar as the first day they hit the shelves, the 75% off clearance tag will surely dry your tears.

- If a costume set seems like a waste of money, spring for the accessories and use them to dress up what you already have at home. Dying to try a flapper fantasy, but the set is super expensive? Why not just buy the headpiece, fake pearls and shiny cigarette holder. Even your oldest, most boring lingerie will be totally revived for a fraction of the price. I mean really, isn’t it all going to end up in a ball on the floor anyway? And use the costume store for ideas, then go home and substitute/recreate things for free!

- Be careful when it comes to props that say novelty. They are not for actual use. That $5 novelty whip may seem like a steal, but it’s definitely not worth the problems that can occur when you try to play with it. Ow! Same goes for costume handcuffs. A fun accessory to look at, but when it comes to hardcore action, they aren’t made to withstand weight or force, and can actually hurt you with their sharp plastic parts.

- Try it all on – emphasis on “try on” and “all.” Most costume stores have a dressing room you can use, or just wear a tight tank top and bike shorts underneath your clothes to try stuff on out in the open. Do it. I know how annoying it is to have to take all your stuff off, then put it back on, but trust me, that’s less annoying that going home to get busy and realizing your exciting new purchase doesn’t fit right. Talk about a mood killer! And try it ALL on. Something you may think is totally stupid many actually be super sexy on your body. You never know until you try it on. Just remember that you may feel stupid in a costume at 2 in the afternoon in a florescent-lit shop, but it doesn’t mean that it won’t rock your bedroom from now until next October!

-  And lastly, remember to have fun! This is sex – it’s supposed to be fun! Think of this as an adventure and see what kind of off the wall ideas you can come up with! Worst comes to worst, at least you’ll already have your Halloween costume for next year!

Happy Haunting!
-J. D. Bauchery

Earlier this month I ran a workshop on anal play for a local toy shop.  Since the class turned out so great and people had so many great questions, I decided to share my handout with our HM4Her readers to make sure that you guys are getting the best of the best when it comes to sex education.  There was so much info that I had to break it into two parts (check out Intro to Anal Play, Part 1)! What what in the butt, let’s get to it!

In the first section I covered all the basics of why people have anal sex, the fears surrounding anal play, the expectations involved with anal sex and all of the basic anatomy of the butt.  Now we get to talk about safety, prep, techniques and toys – all the super sexy good stuff!

Safety Basics

- Anal sex should not hurt. If it hurts, you are doing something wrong.

- Lube, Lube Lube, Lube, Lube! When it comes to butts, you can never use enough lube! Your ass does not self lubricate (like a vagina) so lube is super, extra important. For anal sex, thicker lubes are great. Your best bet is either silicone or water-based lube (as oil-based lubes can weaken condoms, if you are using them), but remember that you cannot use silicone lube with silicone toys. Also remember to add more lube frequently. If you think you’re using too much lube, add some more.

- Whatever you put up your butt must have a flared base that is bigger than the object, keeping it from going all the way in and getting stuck in your rectum. It is no fun and usually ends with a trip to the ER to get whatever it is extracted.

- Never go from the anus to the vagina or mouth without first washing off the toy, penis, finger, what have you. You can go from vag/mouth to butt, but the other way can lead to all sorts of nasty infections that you don’t want.

- Patience! Start slow and keep communication open throughout the experience. Make sure the person attached to the ass is doing alright and feeling good.

- Desensitizing lubes and gels that have a numbing effect (like Anal Ease) aren’t the answer to pain free anal sex and they can actually cause more injury. What you can’t feel can end up hurting you. Plus, if you can’t feel anything, what about your pleasure? Pleasure is the point.

- Keep your fingernails short and clean with smooth edges. The butt has delicate tissues that don’t like to be scratched or torn. If you want to finger an ass and also maintain your mani, try wearing latex gloves. They aren’t just for doctors! Also, if you do have long nails that you want to keep, put a cotton ball in the fingertip of each glove and get to business.

Preparation for Anal Play

- Make sure you are turned on. Get yourself in the mood and get comfortable. Maybe even have an orgasm first to relax and get your blood pumping!

- Take lots of deep breaths! Play some calming music to get relaxed. Anything that gets you comfortable.

- Clench and release your sphincter muscles a few times to get to know your body and how it feels. Try doing it fast and slow to see how it feels.

- Explore yourself. Get to know what’s back there! Start by feeling around the outside of your anus with your finger and when you’re ready, try inserting a well-lubed finger inside your anus.

- Take advantage of shower time and explore while you are nice and soapy.

- Speaking of soap. If you are nervous about dealing with feces, go to the bathroom prior to anal play to clear out anything in your bowels. You can also shower first and insert a soapy finger into your anus to get rid of anything additional. Some people prefer to do an enema before anal sex, but it is not a necessity. You/your partner can also wear a latex glove and/or condom to make clean up a snap.

Techniques & Tips

- Start with a butt massage to get your partner in the mood and relaxed. Begin with kneading the cheeks and running your fingers along the crack before you even reach for the butt hole.

- When you do get to the butt hole, spend some time on the outside before heading straight in. Trace little circles around the opening to the anus with a well-lubed finger. Press the puckered opening (like you would a doorbell) without inserting your finger. Ask your partner (or you, whoever’s ass is being played with) to clench and relax their sphincter muscles while you play with their anus.

- Use your fingertips to press along the butt crack, including the anus.

-Lube up your thumbs and press the pads of them against the anus, switching off in a circular motion – kind of like you are twiddling your thumbs slowly.

-Don’t forget about the genitals too! Just because you are having fun in the back, you should still remember about the vagina, clit, penis, testicles, breasts, kissing , etc. Have your partner play with their own genitals while you have fun exploring their butt!

-When you are ready to go into the anus, have your partner breathe deeply a few times and the last time they exhale, insert your index finger (well-lubed!) into their anus to the first knuckle. Go slowly and be sure to ask your partner if they are ok, if they want you to slow down, go faster, add fingers, etc.

- Once your finger/fingers are inside your partner’s butt, don’t just start thrusting in and out. Stay still for a little bit to get them accustom to the feeling. Have them clench and release a few times to see how they are enjoying it.

-Some people really like when you explore them by pressing your fingers along the inside walls when you are inside their ass. Try up, down, left and right. Go slow and don’t push too hard.

-Once they get comfortable with your fingers and are having fun, maybe incorporate a toy into the experience. A butt plug is always fun because it is designed to stay put while you have fun with other parts of their body (just wash your hands/take of gloves).

- Anal sex can be done in just about any position that vaginal sex can be done. Some people really enjoy the access that they have with doggy style (entering the ass from behind while the recipient is on their knees, bent over), while other people prefer the “bottom” to be on “top,” as they can control the speed and depth of the penetration better with that position. You can also try missionary, spooning, standing, legs over the head, whatever! As you as you can reach the butt you need!

- Remember, the first few inches of the butt are the most sensitive, so you don’t need to go in super far to have a pleasurable experience.

-Don’t forget about the G-Spot and P-Spot, which are both accessible from the anus.

 Here are a few tips of anal toys, including some we have reviewed!

Anal Beads:A series of small beads that are attached by a string or a stalk. Sometimes the beads are the same size and sometimes the increase gradually in size. (Flexi Felix is pictured)

Butt Plug:Diamond or mushroom shaped anal toy with a tapered neck and a flared base. Designed to stay put in your butt. (Little Flirt is pictured)

Anal Beads:Usually a smaller, thinner dildo with a flared base. Great for thrusting in and out. They can be used in a harness as well. (Compact is pictured)

Anal Vibe: A toy that vibrates to stimulate sensitive genital and anal tissues. Lots of butt plugs and dildos come with vibrating bullets that can be inserted into the toy. (Waterproof P-Spot Vibe is pictured)

Prostate Toy: Toys that are specifically designed to stimulate a man’s prostate gland and can intensify orgasm. (Pictured is Aneros MGX)

Now that you’ve got all the sexy, sexy info, go hit those sheets!

Remember to enjoy yourself!  It’s sex, it’s supposed to be fun!

xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery 

Find out more hot butt tips from the Instructional Queen in Nina Hartley’s Advanced Guide To Anal Sex For Men And Women:

In recent years, we have started to really think about what we are doing to our planet and have started taking major steps to cut down on the huge amounts of waste we are accumulating and the destruction we’ve done to our environment. Today is Earth Day, a day which was created to help foster awareness and inspire action to help get ourselves on track and keep the Earth clean and healthy for our future generations. While recycling your trash, using cloth bags when you shop and flipping the light switch when you leave the room are all great ways to get green and very sexy in their own regard, we like to make sure you know how to be eco friendly and extra aware when you are getting sexy. Check out some of these tried and true green tips next time you find yourself in a red hot situation.

- Shower together to save water. Wasting water is not gonna cut it when it comes to being eco conscious, so why not cut down the wasted water with a shower together? To make sure you aren’t letting more go down the drain while you get frisky, get wet and lather each other up, then turn the water off. You’ll still be nice and slippery without wasting any water!

- Unplug yourself. You have better things to do than watch TV or go online and if you play your cards right, you probably won’t be needing the lights on either. Take advantage of the dark – it’s free, doesn’t use any energy and is totally sexy. And if it gets too hot, skip the fan/air conditioning; open a window instead.

- Play with organic foods. Foods grown with pesticides are bad for you and the earth, so bring only organic fruits and veggies into your bedroom. Fruits and veggies are particularly awesome to play with because they are usually sweet, yummy, healthy and have little to no packaging that will go into the landfills.

- Stay home! Why go out and drive somewhere if you can get down and dirty without leaving the house? Skip the car ride, which pollutes the air, and hang out at home instead. And if you need to get out to get your rocks off, take a bike ride.

- Use rechargeable toys… or any of the new toys that are solar powered or use a crank to power up. Cutting down on batteries not only saves on trash, but actually protects our environment by keeping it free of dangerous corrosive materials and pollutants. Many sex toys these days have rechargeable permanent batteries or rely on other non-battery power sources. You may spend a little more $, but you’ll save when it comes time to buy batteries.

- Recycle your toys when they die. Give your beloved sex toys the honor they deserve by sending them to be turned into another useful object instead of just added to a pile of junk.

- Forget about the gym. Gyms use a ton of energy to power those huge treadmills and elliptical machines. Save the gym membership and the planet by getting your exercise horizontally… or vertically, or sideways, upside down, what have you! Sex is a great calorie burner and a whole hell of a lot more fun than the stairmaster.

See, being green can be super sexy. Plus, now you have a few more excuses to turn those lights off and get busy!

Happy Earth Day!

- J.D. Bauchery