So what’s the deal with all this safe/safer sex stuff anyways?
In the last 20 years, the discovery and spread of HIV/AIDS as well as research produced on other STIs (sexually transmitted infections) has necessitated the use of safer sex methods with most sexual activity. It’s not the most fun thing in the world, but safer sex keeps you and your partner healthy and safe, and able to keep having hot sex over and over and over again.
Now, I know all the letters get confusing. Gnarly sex germs used to be known as VD; venereal diseases. Then the wording changed, and behold; STDs – Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Over the past couple of years, the term has changed to STIs, which stands for the Sexually Transmitted Infections that we now know.
EVERYONE who is sexually active is at risk, regardless of age, gender, or sexual orientation (yup, even lesbians and bi girls have to practice safe sex too!). These infections don’t discriminate, they go after everyone. Activities which are generally considered at risk are cunnilingus, fellatio, vaginal intercourse, anal intercourse, and some say even manual stimulation (handiwork, fingering, jerking someone off, etc) on someone else can carry risks.
There are condoms. Condoms come two main types; male and female (yes, there ARE female condoms). All female condoms are poly-urethane, whereas male condoms can be latex, poly-urethane or lambskin. ONLY LATEX AND POLY-URETHANE MALE CONDOMS ARE PROVEN TO PREVENT THE SPREAD OF MOST STIs. While female condoms can provide a better barrier against herpes according to some studies, they’re not marketed to prevent STIs, and lambskin condoms do nothing against STIs. You can use condoms when giving/receiving fellatio (a blow job), vaginal sex, or anal sex. The condom needs to be put on BEFORE any penetration (pre-cum can carry infections as well) and taken off, tied and tossed right after you are done, before the guy loses his erection. If you put a little lubrication inside the tip of the condom, it’ll feel better as well. They make flavored condoms, and better yet, a whole ton of flavored lube if that’s what you’d prefer during oral sex; I know I prefer strawberry or mint to the distinctive flavor of latex.
For giving/receiving cunnilingus (eating out) or analingus (rim job), dental dams or non-microwaveable plastic wrap are your best bets. You can also use a condom cut in half length wise, or a latex glove with all the fingers cut off, and cut open at the thumb. Put some lubricant on the side that is going on the vagina or anus, and then stretch it out, and go at it. Again, I’m a fan of flavored lubes, but do whatever works for you.
As far as fingering, jerking off, etc (vagina, penis and anus), you can choose to use latex gloves and lube as well. It can make life a lot easier too if you have long nails, hang nails, calluses, etc – all things that might make your nether regions a bit sore.
Important things to remember; always use a new condom after ejaculation, use a new condom when going from anal intercourse to ANYTHING else, use a new dental dam/piece of plastic wrap when switching from analingus to ANYTHING else, NEVER use two condoms EVER (the friction between the two will make there more likely to break, so you’re WAY less safe), and make sure your lube is oil-free – Crisco, lotion, olive oil, etc (anything with oil in it) causes condoms to disintegrate, which kind of defeats the whole purpose.
If you’ve been in a relationship for a period of time, and have the birth control thing under control (if it’s even an issue), and want to practice safer sex without a barrier method, it’s time to get tested. Sadly, we’re not in grade school, and this isn’t a test you can study for, and depending on your insurance, it might run up a bit of money (although local health clinics such as Planned Parenthood tend to have sliding scale fees). The health care provider will talk to you (and your partner if you go together) about what infections you may have been put at risk for and will test for them. Most people choose to get tested for HIV, gonorrhea, syphilis, Chlamydia, herpes, and HPV (and in case you haven’t heard, HPV causes cervical cancer…pretty scary if you ask me). Sometimes you may have to come back to get tested, as different infections have different incubation times. Usually you can get the results over the phone, but some clinics may have you come in to pick them up in person. Either way, once you’re tested, you can see if you need to seek treatment for any infections you may have (and if you have a viral infection, you cannot cure it; rather the meds will help you get it under control). Once you have a clean bill of health, you and your partner can have latex (or poly-urethane) free sex! And you don’t have to be in a relationship to be tested; some people get tested on a yearly or bi-yearly basis (including yours truly) just to be on the safe side, and to know where they stand.
And if you do have an infection, that doesn’t mean you can’t keep having great sex. But it does mean you have to be extra careful not to infect your current (or future) partner(s). Also, there are many strains of every infection; just because you already have herpes doesn’t mean you should go practice unsafe sex with everyone who has herpes; you could get it AGAIN and have twice as many outbreaks, which would be no fun.
So keep it fun, sexy and safe. Watch out for yourself, watch out for your partners, and watch out for your friends. Spread the word, and have steamy safer sex.
The right selection is to protect your erection, and if you really love her, wear a cover!
Essin’ Em
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