Category Archives: Janie Says

Top Five Tuesday – 2013 AVN Award Winners

It’s time to celebrate some of the most noteworthy 2013 AVN Award winners on Top Five Tuesday. Two of these films swept the awards, while I’m stoked about the three single recipients. Let’s have a fast and dirty recap to this porn party:


rocked the 2013 AVN Awards by earning 7 related awards, most notably the Movie of the Year Award. Congratulations Wasteland and Elegant Angel! In addition to Movie of the Year, Wasteland also won Best Drama and  took home the award for Best Actress.  Wasteland’s  won the awards for Best Director, Best Editing, and Best Screenplay. On top of that Wasteland also won for Best Cinematography. Frankly, I think they should have won an 8th award for that sex scene featuring those drool-worthy striped athletic tube socks.  Sadly, the AVN doesn’t hire me to give out my own awards.

Hot on Wasteland’s tail for most awards was , with a grand total of 6 related awards. Star Wars XXX took the won Best Parody-Comedy, Best Art Direction, and Best Overall Marketing Campaign-Individual Project‘s talents in Star Wars XXX earned him the Best Supporting Actor Award. And , who took home AVN’s 2013 Director of the Year award also earned Best Director-Parody, and the award Best Screenplay-Parody (with Mark Logan). I’ve yet to see the original porn-less Star Wars, but something tells me I’ll make it around to Star Wars XXX within the week. I’ll let you know. Maybe I do a compare/contrast essay on the porn vs. the classic sci-fi movie. (No, I won’t.)
Now, we already know that ’s performance in Elegant Angel‘s Gangbanged 4 is near and dear to my crooked, little sex heart, and I’m thrilled to note that this film won the Best Orgy/Gangbang Release! It was the first film I reviewed for HM4H, and I’m going to drink a toast to this one tonight. And maybe get off to it again.
Damn right to  for winning the Best Solo Sex Scene award for ! This lady knows how to have fun and I’m confident she was enjoying that solo wank scene as much as we were. I also love that while she starting the scene wearing sexy shoes, they weren’t over-the-top/fuck-me-harder-yeah-yeah-yeah sexy shoes. In other words, Joanna, hooray for not drilling yourself while wearing Lucite. I love you even more now.
And a hearty Hot Damn and Hell Yeah for taking the crown for Best Foot/Leg Fetish Release! is so captivating to watch and I love the shoes and stockings featured in this film. I love a good eyeful in a fetish film, and this one brings it home so hard. I’ve watched several scenes and I’m prepared to melt all over my computer chair. And I also have one big wet kiss for Arabelle Raphael’s juicy legs. 

Congrats to all the winners and every movie that was nominated!

-Janie Jones

WTF?! Plastic Surgeon’s Wife Keep Souvenir Labia

I’m not even sure what to say about this, but my legs involuntarily cross every time I think about this post from The Frisky.

I don’t mean to judge, but how bad is it to have your intact labia? And frankly, where do you keep your pickled and jarred labia? On the coffee table so guests can see them? Do you use the jar as a paperweight? I’m mystified. And grossed out.

TLC will debut Plastic Wives on Sunday, January 27th.