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Movie Reviews
New reviews posted daily!
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Often, I like to discuss this magical power I have where I imagine things happening and then they actually happen. It’s never anything good - for instance, once I was in my bathroom thinking about what would happen if my toilet just stopped working and when I went to flush, the bathroom suddenly flooded with what I refer to as poo water. Very unsexy - thank God I live alone.
Imagining things happening is the entire basis of this Penthouse feature. Jeremy Holmes has the power to make any woman want him - and frequently invokes it, especially when the women are wearing beautiful shoes. He meets with Nicole Sheridan and upon gazing at her beautifully clad feet, they go at it in one of the hottest scenes I’ve watched in a while. The rest of the movie proceeds in a similar manner - hot shoes, hot sex. Story of my life!
Unfortunately, his power is all in his imagination - but real or fake, I’ll take it. This movie was hot, hot, hot. Even my usual afternoon daydreaming sessions at the office suddenly became more interesting!
After watching this movie, I can only hope to someday turn my wet bathroom floor into wet panties.
-M.
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 I’m reviewing this movie for one reason, and one reason only – Max Mikita. If you don’t know who she is, let me tell you. Max is an insanely beautiful Asian chick with a shaved head and absolutely gorgeous natural body. In scene five you get to watch her squirt herself with oil, before getting down and dirty with Voodoo. It’s an image I hope never leaves my head. Now, regarding the rest of this movie, it’s pretty good. If you like wrestling, you’ll love it. I would never go searching out wrestling movies, but have no problem watching girls wrestle around in between the fucking. Besides watching my girl Max in all of her glory, I also really enjoyed the hot lesbo action in scene four between Vanessa Lane and Regan Reese. Reese is totally bad-ass and covered in ink – I loved watching her fuck Lane on a lockerroom bench. Overall, this is a pretty hot movie. There’s a lot of good sex (including a scene with Tommy Gunn, one of my favorite straight boys) and a plot that is ridiculous, but amusing in that cheesy porn plot sort of way.
The Porn Librarian
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Why isn’t the gym ever like this when I go? If my workout sessions involved fucking girls in short shorts – or even watching – I’d be a total gym bunny! And like some of those five minute workout videos, this movie is short, to the point and definitely gets your heart pumping. My favorite part is when she takes his dick out of his short shorts from the bottom, which makes me laugh because whenever I see guys in tiny shorts, I’m always curious how they don’t have their cocks peeking out the bottom. But lucky for us (and him), this one did! And let’s not forget the sign of a true athlete – keeping your sneakers on while you get naked and get busy. We’ve definitely got a couple of fitness fanatics on our hands!
-J.D. Bauchery
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I should start this review off with a warning: the girl in this video has a super high annoying voice. I almost stopped watching about 30 seconds in because it kind of made me want to kill myself. Fortunately, it doesn’t take long before she’s too busy with Paco’s cock to talk much. We’ve reviewed Straight Guy for the Gay Eye movies before, so you know the focus is all on the dude, and Paco is definitely worth your attention. This Latino man has a muscular body, a nice cock and the rest of him isn’t too bad on the eyes either. This is a pretty straightforward video – bj and the usual positions, but the great part is that the camera takes the time to explore Paco’s tight, hairy body. The action really heated up for me around 13 minutes, when she gets on all fours and he fucks her from behind. If you like watching guys fuck, you can’t go wrong with the movies from this innovative series. For me, watching Paco is a much needed diversion from the white bread world of porn, but I’ve never been disappointed by any SG4GE titles.
-The Porn Librarian
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Well, the name says it all really. Did you ever watch something so hot and exciting that you didn’t have words for it? Yep, that’s where I am right now. Well, that and totally smitten with Bren Ryder, the super sexy butch mastermind behind this collection of real dykes really getting off by fingers, fists, dlidos, tongues and any other way you can imagine. And it’s all safe sex! Actually, better than that, it’s safe sex with black latex gloves! How hot is that!?
I am a big fan of scene 6, where Ryder fucks a super sexy femme on top and inside of little red pickup truck. Legs around neck, back against the steering wheel, strap on in pussy. Total girl boner just thinking about it! But I’m not sure though if 6 tops scene 7, or “Home Pussy Invasion,” where Bren and two fierce femme fetales sneak into a “unsuspecting” butch’s home and give her the thrill fuck of a lifetime. I love me some butch/femme dynamics, especially when they include a femme with four inch heels and a 6 inch strap on cock! No matter what’s on screen, it’s all amazing with the perfect mix of close ups, face shots and a really fucking good job editing it all together.
All in all, this movie is kind of unscripted, real porn that includes all the laughing, communication and intimacy that happens when you fuck someone you genuinely want to fuck. It doesn’t feel like you’re watching porn, it feels like you are watching sex. Fuck the thumbs up - this movie gets a raging hard on and a spot in my top five!
-J.D. Bauchery
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Anyone who knows me knows that baseball is my favorite thing in the world. I love baseball more than I love sex - and sex is part of my career! Often, I do my best to combine the two by using my sex toys while watching the game or having my partner do a striptease to “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”
Okay, the last one never happened but a girl can dream, can’t she?
This movie is from 1987 but to me, it still holds up. Sometimes during the lengthy scenes of today’s porn, I start to zone out but all this action is short and steamy. My favorite scene takes place in the locker room between two studs on the team and their biggest fan who has them play by her rules - and with each other. After ordering them around to suck each other off, she says, “I’ve never seen this before!” But she seems to like it - and so do I.
I don’t know if it was the backstory of a minor league team’s struggles (think Bull Durham), the locker room love, or the thick mustaches but I really enjoyed this movie a lot. I’m definitely looking forward to the rest of my summer and all the bats (and balls!) in my future.
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 This is quite the little two-in-one. Not only is the movie an alt fuck fest, it’s a Burning Angel tattoo exposé as well. All those times you’ve watched B.A. movies and squinted to get a better look at Joanna’s arm ink while she rubbed her own clit have come full circle! Before each of these tatted beauties gets fucked up and down the screen, they show off their ink for the camera. Then, as their dudes get close to exploding, they each yell out “Cum on my tattoo!” This is kind of kitschy the first two scenes, but by the end you’re like “ok, we get it. You’re coming on tattoos. No need to shout it from the rooftops.” Well, maybe that’s just me. Back to the sex! I was hella impressed with Pinky Lee’s vertical split in scene 3! Not only did it look super cool, it left her nice and exposed for Tommy Pistol to go to town on her pussy with his tongue. And watching Joanna Angel and Kylee Kross’ pile atop each other to get to Ron Rotten’s cock was the perfect way to end this mildly over-the-top, but definitely hot alternative adventure.
-J.D. Bauchery
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 This one is for Venus, who loves Tiger Tyson enough to purchase an air freshener adorned with a picture of the insanely popular Latino stud. It’s pretty obvious why Tiger is such a big star – he’s got a chiseled body, a huge cock and fucks like a champ. Plus he’s totally pretty, but in a I’m the dude that changes your oil and will be bending you over the hood of your car kind of way. This movie is a collection of some of his best scenes including a JO session that turns into a hot threeway in scene two. I loved that it starts with Tiger stripping down and oiling up his tight body before he moves to the bed and starts working his massive meat. I was surprised when a couple of other dudes eventually showed up, but it was definitely a good thing. If you’re a fan, you’ll enjoy the behind the scenes commentary as Tyson talks a little bit about the scenes in front of a cloud mural with a stuffed tiger. Sorry, I couldn’t not mention it. Anyways, I was much more interested in the fucking than the talking, but it is always interesting to get to learn more about the man behind the cock.
-The Porn Librarian
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This movie has an identity crisis. It’s not sure if it wants be to punky, avant garde or whatever, and I’m pretty sure none of the stars or the director could clue us in to what the plot is. But, from what I garner, there is supposed to be one – about a band, I believe. Whatever about the plot, the sex in this flick is pretty right on, and that’s what really counts. With six scenes featuring a variety of hetero humping, girl on girl action and group sex shots, this movie has a little something for almost everyone. Scene 2 has the most patriotic set I’ve even seen – and though it only plays backdrop to hot hardcore fucking, the red, white and blue décor is a little (ok, way) distracting. God Bless America and doggystyle, I suppose. My favorite scene was definitely the last, where a little brunette spitfire orders two hulking guys twice her size to pound into her, yelling “You, get your cock out!” and slapping them around. She ends up taking them at the same time, double penetration style and fills her pint-size body with two giant cocks. It’s always nice to see someone get what they want.
-J.D. Bauchery
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Nothing says summer like screwing outdoors! Homegrown has been putting out great amateur movies just about forever. Whenever I have an amateur itch I need to scratch, I check out their new releases and am rarely disappointed. The first volume of BackYard Amateurs features five scenes of outdoor action including a boating blowjob in scene two. I was drawn to this girl in particular for her All-American good looks. She’s totally natural, which is one of my favorite things about amateur films. Plus her fishing skills are only second to her oral abilities – that’s right, the scene closes with our heroine catching (and releasing) some sort of weird fish. It was kind of bizarre, but somehow appropriate. If you’re looking for a little more action, scene five is a good scene that features some quality pussy eating before they put on an athletic display! The sex is hot, but the jean shorts are not. You can’t win ‘em all.
-The Porn Librarian
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