Written by:
J.D. on July 28th, 2009
I don’t get to watch funny porn very often, so when I saw this Vivid Premium movie was categorized under humor, I jumped at the chance. Aside from being pretty freaking hilarious, which I’ll get to in a minute, this flick as all the high quality video/production that has come to be expected of a Vivid title and, obviously, a ton of super hot sex. So, we’ve got a good plot, awesome production value and hot sexin’ – pretty much the trifecta of great porno.
Ok, let’s talk about this plot. Basically Evan Stone and Tommy Gunn are two guys with big dicks who find out their friend Matt (Voodoo) has quite the small member, which explains why he always turns the ladies down. To help him, they bring to get hypnotized by “Manning the Guru” and have him believe that he has a giant schlong. I’m not going to spoil the rest of it by giving away the ending, but just know it’s worth a watch.
To me, the best part of this movie was definitely the performers. The ones they chose to fill each roll worked out perfectly and the humor was dead on the money. I guess it doesn’t hurt that I think Meggan Mallone is one of the sexiest performers out there. For me, it was all Stone and Gunn that make the movie, even in spite of all the dick jokes. And I’m pretty sure that Evan Stone could make it in acting even if he kept his clothes on. He’s gotta get those Coen Brothers on the phone!
Let’s not forget about the sex! The scene I found hottest was the first. Stone and Gunn team up and go for an orgy with two women, switching women every so often. While sure that could come off as a little crude, I thought it was pretty hot. Especially when the girls were leaning close to each other. Fuck pile!
And though I watch porn all the time and see a ton of dicks, including these ones before, I don’t think I’ve ever noticed how big they are! These three guys are the owners of some massive cocks.
So, dicks in hands, Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn and Voodoo totally turned this movie from a good idea on paper to a freakin’ awesome porno on the screen! Job well do. You can give those wangs a pat on the back!
-J.D. Bauchery
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Written by:
J.D. on July 27th, 2009
While I usually try to watch a different type of porn each time I review, somehow I have yet to check out any of our Grindhouse movies. While these racy exploitation movies of the ‘70s may not be super risqué by today’s standards, Grindhouse classics bring the sexual energy of the era back to the silver screen and show us just how thrilling these types of flicks were back then. And yes, these movies may be a little dated (they even bust out the original porno mustache), they are still totally sexy and most definitely deserve a watch.
I was pretty excited when I found this particular video. Not only do I love me a cheerleader flick – what can I say, short skirts and sweaters – swoon… I’m only human, I also noticed that the cast includes legendary porn for women director Candida Royalle (billed as Canidida Royale), back before she started directing. As soon as I saw her name, I knew I had to check this one out. Funny enough, I was just emailing back and forth with her last week about the site, so it really is fitting that I would find this movie right now.
From the first minute Candida starts dancing at the cheerleading auditions, as number 69, of course, I was sold – hook, line and sinker. Also, I need to take a minute just point out this awesome detail. The cheerleaders are called the “Prickettes” – as in cheerleaders for the Cactus football team. How ah-mazing is that?! Anyway, back to the sexing’.
While the Cactus players and the Prickettes are forbidden from touching each other – or, as they say in the movie, pussy is bad for you, like booze and cigarettes, these raunchy gals just can’t stay away. And though there was lots and lots of hot jock/cheerleader fucking (even on a toilet!), my favorite scene was scene 5 with Cheerleader #69 (also called Tamara) and the Prickettes’ lesbo head coach.
Number 69 is so lucky that she has such a thoughtful coach that is so ready to help her learn all about the football equipment. Oh, coach, how do these jock straps work? Well, I know I, for one, learn best with visuals, and I guess 69 does too, because coach happily puts the jock strap on to show her. Along with another treat… I don’t know what my favorite part of this scene is, Tamara’s see-thru outfit, or the coach whipping out a strap-on cock to fill her jock strap… and her star cheerleader. I’m really happy that they used the locker room bench as the perfect surface to leave over for optimum doggy style fucking. That coach really knows her plays! This is the first time I’ve ever seen Candida on the screen like this and while it’s always a totally different experience to watch someone you know (even if it is thirty-some years ago), it was awesome none-the-less.
Two-Four-Six-Eight – What do we appreciate – Porno! Porno! Hooooooot Porno! Woooohoooo! Rah Rah Rah! Gooooo Cactus!
-J.D. Bauchery
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Written by:
FrzKey on July 24th, 2009
Bring on the funny! My last few reviews all had pretty heavy subject matter, and though “Taboo” ended up having me rolling in the aisles, it also had me ready to pick a fight. So I was definitely in the mood for something a little lighter. With three AVN award nominations, “Stood Up” looked like it might actually hit the spot.
I suppose I should start at the beginning. The sex scenes were pretty long, giving plenty of time for all the staples: oral - both a blow job and cunnilingus, as well as at least three position changes, probably anal in one form or other and a little dirty talk during the pounding prior to that all important cum shot. I must commend the sex scenes in “Stood Up” for their efforts in one particular area – “Stood Up” does have a lot of hot male performers doing the pounding. Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone and everyone’s current golden boy James Deen are just some of the hotties that put this film high on the female friendly eye candy side of the spectrum. It is still a film made with more of a male audience in mind than a female one, so we’re treated to lots of female writhing and moaning and only really get to see the torsos of these hot men instead of their faces.
Plot, my love, where are you? Some women go for looks, others go for brains and if the performers are the looks of a movie, then its plot is its sweet juicy succulent brain. Nearly one hour in and I’ve only got the tiniest hint of a plot - aging comedian tells tale to doting fan about his life in the comedy business. That really was the entire plot I got after watching “Stood Up” for over an hour, but I got two sex scenes and one of them a threesome that would have been so much hotter if they were more than just fucking bits on my screen though. Then it hits, a wonderful acting performance followed promptly by James Deen taking his clothes off.
Ok, I admit it – throw a naked James Deen into a scene with a natural breasted, natural brunette and my only apparent response is happy drooling. He’s not even my type, but man is he fun to watch fuck. Plus the female performer James was paired with gave really amazing performance moments before the actual sexing started, definitely my favorite scene in “Stood Up.”
Ok, so all in all “Stood Up” is about two and a half hours long. Ninety percent of that time is taken up with some rather acrobatic sex scenes (there’s this one in a tiny trailer that should win an Olympic Gymnastics award.) Though I think James Deen’s scene was by far and away the best, most of the scenes had their own O potential. On the sex I can barely fault it, on the comedy and plot it left a lot to be desired. “Stood Up” will probably get you off but I wouldn’t expect it to entertain you in any other way.
-FrzKey
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I feel a little silly reviewing a movie trailer, but I just watched the best four minutes of porno history I’ve seen in a while and really need to highlight it on the site!
The cover is what caught my eye first – I mean, who can ignore a crudely drawn picture spoofing a piece of pop culture history. While I don’t know much about Li’l Abner or comics in general, I am guessing that 43 years is a pretty impressive run and I recognized the strip at once.
Since it was only four minutes long, I decided to check it out and boy am I glad I did. This movie trailer was enough to help me get over the cynical attitude about porn spoofs I’ve been sporting lately. We’re introduced to Big Abner and the entire gang of yokels and tempted with lots of XXX teasers. From the looks of it, Big Abner is the perfect guy for every woman who dreams of a big stud who won’t get distracted by politics or literature. He pretty much just wants to swing that big ax of his!
Since I love a little bit of humor thrown in with my fucking and sucking, I was totally digging this clip. If you’ve even wondered why they call the seventies the golden age of porn – you have to see this amazing piece of history.
-The Porn Librarian
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Written by:
FrzKey on July 21st, 2009
I’m a pretty big fan of the classics. Sadly there are a lot of them and a lot of new movies tugging at my eyeballs, so I rarely feel like I’m making headway on seeing all the classics out there. Today I can at least cross “Taboo” off my list of must see movies. Long before I became the smut purveyor you know and love, I’d heard of this series (along with “Debbie Does Dallas” but really who hasn’t heard of that one) and I’ve been intrigued, but vaguely hesitant ever since. After all with a title like “Taboo” it’s got to be all kinds of decadent raunch doesn’t it?
I can tell where things are going to go by breakfast, when the lead character, Barbara, explains to her son, Paul, that Pop won’t be coming ’round no more. Her magnificent natural tits are nearly popping out of the electric blue robe she’s wearing and I’m sure the view had more than a little to do with Paul’s decision to stay by his mother’s side instead of going to live with his father and soon to be mother-in-law. Enter the sexy, helpful, swinging single friend by the name of Gina to assist Barbara in getting back on the horse, or at least see to it that she doesn’t have to spend a single night sleeping alone.
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Written by:
FrzKey on July 17th, 2009
After the last movie I reviewed complete lack of scripting or plot (see plotless can still be awesome every now and again) I felt the need for heftier fare. Enter “Heart of Darkness” an AVN award winner from Vivid that seems to have all kinds of potential.
Potential it squanders almost immediately within the first 10 minutes. Quick and dirty sex in a club with absolutely no character development to suck me in, is a great way to shrivel my hopeful boner. Thankfully the blond in the scene seemed to agree with me and immediately started berating the main character, Johnny, for being so disconnected. One might think that this means a little more plot is coming but less than two minutes later Johnny’s got his cock in someone else’s mouth. See Johnny’s got a problem, a sexual problem, emphasized not only by his screwing everything but his wife at work, but also by his picking up a pair of hookers the next morning.
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Written by:
J.D. on July 16th, 2009
Seinfeld porn. Can you believe it? You know you’ve seen it all when something this amazing is brought to the screen. The thing about spoofs like Seinfeld: A XXX Parody is that when they get it right, they really get it right. New Sensations did a really bang up job with the casting, set and getting all the details of the sitcom just right- including Gerry’s apartment. I had to check it against a youtube video of the real show’s set and the likeness is uncanny!
After Gerry brings Elaina to the Porn Nazi, she is hooked on his specialty sex tapes and longs to get some of her own. The tape even had Elaina and Gerry going at it (and James Deen stays in character, cuming in a perfect Gerry voice)! But alas the Porn Nazi has pronounced “NO PORN FOR YOU!” on her first visit and she must find a way to make him change his mind. Luckily he has a sexy assistant with a thing for big curly hair and fierce dance moves. Meanwhile Crammer and Gorge are making their own porn, which ends up with both of them actually on screen. Hilarious. Read the rest of this entry »
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Written by:
J.D. on July 13th, 2009
Ever since I first heard of this movie (god knows how long ago that was), I’ve been dying to watch it. I mean really, how many porn movies have changed the entire industry and the way that the mainstream looks at porn in general? Not many. This 1972 Mitchell Brothers classic is a part of history. Even my mom has seen it – which means that it’s definitely a part of pop culture as much as a nudie movie. As well, whenever we do a 20 questions interview with a porn star, we ask their favorite adult movie and more often than not, it’s Behind the Green Door.
Though I had a vague idea of the plot before I started watching, I really wasn’t too sure what to expect. The basic gist of the movie is that a trucker is telling his friends a story of this woman, whom he had been flirting with earlier that day, being abducted and becoming the star attraction at an exclusive sex club – one that the guy coincidently ends up attending later in the evening. This woman (played by Marilyn Chambers) is pretty much fucked every which way but up, on stage, in front of an audience that becomes an orgy as the performance progresses. Read the rest of this entry »
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Written by:
FrzKey on July 10th, 2009
Today I felt like delving into a relative rarity in hentai, femdom. Like a lot of porn and romances for that matter, hentai tends to be heavy on the submissive female character types, which is a crying shame with all that great bondage and domination potential. I’ve only seen a few series with serious female protagonists, so I was pretty eager to take a gander at “Queen And Slave” when I came across it today.
This is the tale of a professional Dominatrix by the name of Yumi, who starts out the show by actually stating that she hates men. Of course when she’s not wearing leather, Yumi becomes Yoshimi and works in a hospital as a nurse who is sweet and gentle to everyone. That’s where a student named Hiroyuki meets and falls in love/lust with the gentle Yoshimi. Of course, Hiroyuki decides to stalk the object of his ‘affection’ and eventually catches Yoshimi heading into a love hotel (hotels in Japan specifically set up for romantic rendezvous often featuring themed rooms) and finds out she works for an SM club.
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I guess it’s official – Tommy Gunn is my favorite straight male porn star. I typically don’t seek out scenes that star specific dudes, but I went on mission to find my man in action the other day. I was really excited when I stumbled upon this POV flick starring my favorite Jersey boy in two hours of XXX fun.
I’m not always a big fan of POV films – it seems like a lot of them are done by real amateurs and I have no interest in experiencing some weird dude’s point of view while fucking in a Midwestern basement. However, since I’m a fan of the guy holding the camera in this case, I decided to give it a chance.
Despite a slow start, I have to say that my favorite scene was the first. Gunn watches Ashlynn Brooke touch herself by the side of a pool before they head inside and he watches her get off with a bunch of toys. She’s got a g-spot vibe, a butt plug and an anal vibe and it’s really cool to see toys incorporated into a scene like this. Watching her get all worked up before getting plowed by Gunn is pretty rad.
After Brooke wows us with her solo, she quickly finds herself on the business end of Gunn’s massive tool. Watching the scene from his perspective is amazing, although I will admit the camera angles occasionally are a bit off. Of course, by the time he drops a load on her tongue, I’ve completely forgiven this!
Overall, this is a pretty good flick, especially if you’re a fan of Gunn. I suspect this is what his life is really like, when he’s not riding around on his motorcycle, and that’s what’s so great about this one.
-The Porn Librarian
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