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Movie Reviews - Hetero
I should start this review off with a warning: the girl in this video has a super high annoying voice. I almost stopped watching about 30 seconds in because it kind of made me want to kill myself. Fortunately, it doesn’t take long before she’s too busy with Paco’s cock to talk much. We’ve reviewed Straight Guy for the Gay Eye movies before, so you know the focus is all on the dude, and Paco is definitely worth your attention. This Latino man has a muscular body, a nice cock and the rest of him isn’t too bad on the eyes either. This is a pretty straightforward video – bj and the usual positions, but the great part is that the camera takes the time to explore Paco’s tight, hairy body. The action really heated up for me around 13 minutes, when she gets on all fours and he fucks her from behind. If you like watching guys fuck, you can’t go wrong with the movies from this innovative series. For me, watching Paco is a much needed diversion from the white bread world of porn, but I’ve never been disappointed by any SG4GE titles.
-The Porn Librarian
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 This is quite the little two-in-one. Not only is the movie an alt fuck fest, it’s a Burning Angel tattoo exposé as well. All those times you’ve watched B.A. movies and squinted to get a better look at Joanna’s arm ink while she rubbed her own clit have come full circle! Before each of these tatted beauties gets fucked up and down the screen, they show off their ink for the camera. Then, as their dudes get close to exploding, they each yell out “Cum on my tattoo!” This is kind of kitschy the first two scenes, but by the end you’re like “ok, we get it. You’re coming on tattoos. No need to shout it from the rooftops.” Well, maybe that’s just me. Back to the sex! I was hella impressed with Pinky Lee’s vertical split in scene 3! Not only did it look super cool, it left her nice and exposed for Tommy Pistol to go to town on her pussy with his tongue. And watching Joanna Angel and Kylee Kross’ pile atop each other to get to Ron Rotten’s cock was the perfect way to end this mildly over-the-top, but definitely hot alternative adventure.
-J.D. Bauchery
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This movie has an identity crisis. It’s not sure if it wants be to punky, avant garde or whatever, and I’m pretty sure none of the stars or the director could clue us in to what the plot is. But, from what I garner, there is supposed to be one – about a band, I believe. Whatever about the plot, the sex in this flick is pretty right on, and that’s what really counts. With six scenes featuring a variety of hetero humping, girl on girl action and group sex shots, this movie has a little something for almost everyone. Scene 2 has the most patriotic set I’ve even seen – and though it only plays backdrop to hot hardcore fucking, the red, white and blue décor is a little (ok, way) distracting. God Bless America and doggystyle, I suppose. My favorite scene was definitely the last, where a little brunette spitfire orders two hulking guys twice her size to pound into her, yelling “You, get your cock out!” and slapping them around. She ends up taking them at the same time, double penetration style and fills her pint-size body with two giant cocks. It’s always nice to see someone get what they want.
-J.D. Bauchery
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Nothing says summer like screwing outdoors! Homegrown has been putting out great amateur movies just about forever. Whenever I have an amateur itch I need to scratch, I check out their new releases and am rarely disappointed. The first volume of BackYard Amateurs features five scenes of outdoor action including a boating blowjob in scene two. I was drawn to this girl in particular for her All-American good looks. She’s totally natural, which is one of my favorite things about amateur films. Plus her fishing skills are only second to her oral abilities – that’s right, the scene closes with our heroine catching (and releasing) some sort of weird fish. It was kind of bizarre, but somehow appropriate. If you’re looking for a little more action, scene five is a good scene that features some quality pussy eating before they put on an athletic display! The sex is hot, but the jean shorts are not. You can’t win ‘em all.
-The Porn Librarian
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I am a horror movie fiend, so when I stumbled upon this gory looking horror porn, not checking it out wasn’t even an option. And I love Roxy Deville, so really, this is the ultimate combo for me!
It all starts with a van full of hotties lost when they take a wrong turn. Perfect fodder for both porno and horror movies alike! And what better to find the silver lining in a shitty situation than to screw your brains out?? Hot van sex within the first ten minutes? Check. Followed by a creepy stranger and a bloodbath? Double check! I guess the age old adage about having sex in a scary movie is true. You just have to die afterwards. I’ll admit that I don’t really get scene 3, where two of our protagonists find “help” with this totally weirdo family, but hey, the sex is super hot (as are the guy’s full body tattoos), so I’ll just chalk it up to artistic license. Yup, then they have to die too… or at least get vibrated to death! And holy crap is this one powerful vibrator! Strapped on battery pack operated, this vibe literally fucks our girl to death. The other one just gets the hatchet – boring.
My favorite part my far is scene 6, when Roxy Deville tames the “Leatherface” guy with her feminine ways then stabs him during his post pussy disorientation! While I will say that the last bit with the cop taking naked pictures of Roxy in the hospital is fucked up – and not in a good way, the rest of the movie did this horror and porno fan proud. The even got it right with the creepy buzzing flies in the background. Two bloody, hacked off thumbs up!
-J.D. Bauchery
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Playgirl takes erotica to the next level with this tastefully tantalizing mix of visuals and spoken imagery. Playing out like a book of sexy short stories, this high quality production features five fantasy vignettes complete with narration, acting and some of the industry’s hottest stars, including hardbody Randy Spears. I was especially hot for scene one, where Nicole Sheridan gives in to her inner exhibitionist and seduces a stranger on the rooftop. It just happens to be pouring rain, which makes for an even steamier tryst. And watching Sheridan go into a nearly full vertical split by resting her leg on her partner’s shoulder as he pounds away was pretty damn impressive! Two thumbs up for the flexible! If you’re looking for the classier, more sensual side of porn, look no further.
-J.D. Bauchery
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Way to step it up Whorelore. I thoroughly enjoyed the first episode of this epic series, but can definitely tell that tey had more time and money to make the second. The first episode, Rogues Do It From Behind, played out like this – quick scan of the scenery, short sword fight, hot fucking. Pirate’s Booty definitely took more time to develop the plot and it’s pretty obvious that they were working with a larger budget by the costume and special effects.
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I’m a sucker for a good love story. Always have been, always will be. But in most movies, you get the cut away when the scene should just be starting up. WTF!? Lucky for me, there is Candida Royalle. At a time when men dominated the porn industry (oh wait a sec… yep, still happening), Candida created Femme Productions, a studio with a mission to create hot erotic movies that appeal to women. So instead of getting a raunchy fuck flick (though, I like those sometimes too), you get an artfully directed erotic story with a plot that actually pulls you in and when things start to heat up, you get the real deal! Amen!
This movie is awesome. It’s the story of a family all back together living in the same house after their two oldest daughters move away. Watching her sisters get busy with their respective men, the youngest (at the fresh-faced, yet legal, age of 18) gets her sex education in perfect time for meeting a man of her own. Not that the man really mattered, as young Heather also gets to know her own body with a little self exploration and the help of an eager girlfriend. And even though the movie focuses on her budding sexuality, I love that everyone gets laid, even the parents!
All in all, this movie is totally worth watching. Not only do you get plenty of sensual scenes with lots of really sexy action, you get an actually decent, watch-worthy plot! With good acting! A rarity, I know. Sure it’s a little dated, but does high quality erotica really ever go out of style? Both thumbs up for Three Daughters!
-J.D. Bauchery
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Busting the Babysitter is one of those instant classics that remind me why I ever liked porn in the first place. There’s just something about cheesy porn cliches that get me every time, like the pizza delivery guy or the teacher in detention. The sexy babysitter is no exception. Growing up, my babysitters were always older women with kids or pimply-faced girls who were in high school and didn’t want to find a real job. One time, I actually remember ducking behind a house so my babysitter wouldn’t see me walking home from school. Maybe if my parents had hired someone as hot as Kayden Kross, I would’ve come out of hiding.
The movie itself is really great. Kayden Kross is in every scene - which is phenomenal, if you ask me. She plays a babysitter who works for a few different families. As soon as the parents leave and the kids are tucked away, Kayden invites her boyfriends over for some real fun. One of the scenes begins with Kayden reading a magazine and upon finishing, decides it’s as good as a time as any to slide off her jeans and masturbate. Sounds like a Sunday afternoon at my house!
Unfortunately, Kayden always forgets something - a dildo, a talking bird - and gets busted. By the end of the movie, everyone’s joining in on Kayden’s fun and there’s a hot scene by the pool. I won’t ruin anything for you, but it left me wanting to find a part-time babysitting job.
-M.
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Sometimes you have to compromise. Hot oral action doesn’t always come with no strings attached. Sometimes you have to look past the supreme mullet, porno ‘stache and cascading diamond earrings to really enjoy the on-screen fucking. And that’s what you get with this instructional video with limited instruction. Relying on the power of learning through demonstration, this French import takes you through all sorts of pussy licking positions, showing you exactly how to work it for maximum pleasure with barely any other instructional guidance – though that’s probably a good thing for me since I don’t speak French. They really could have been saying “make circles with your tongue” or “where is the library?*” Either way, I was none the wiser. All in all, this flick is actually a pretty decent walk through the do’s of goin’ down and the don’ts of reliving 80’s fashion.
* This is the only phrase I know in Spanish. Yep, after studying it for 6 years.
-J.D. Bauchery
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