Between Takes with Nica Noelle

When I tell people I’m an adult actress, I can pretty much predict what their questions will be: What’s it like to have sex with people you don’t know? Is it weird? Does it ruin sex for you – do you just get sick of it?

They’re good questions, and I don’t blame people for being curious about how it works – or should I say, IF it works. The answer is, it does. Work, I mean. Or at least, it can. Like most things, state of mind is what’s important when embarking on a career in porn. The attitude you bring to your job has a lot to do with what kind of experience you’re going to have. If you’re a difficult person who has trouble interacting with others, if you struggle with drug or alcohol abuse, or if you suffer from low self esteem, a career in porn may not be right for you. But then, if you’re saddled with those afflictions not many things are going to feel right to you.

The first scene I did was with a lovely young woman who made it clear from the outset that she was not attracted to girls and that “you won’t be getting much out of me, but I can fake it.” I was pretty upset about that, since Girlfriends Films has a strict rule that any performer who wishes to work with us must truly be bisexual or lesbian – not “gay for pay.” Somehow, though, this pretty young thing had slipped through the cracks and was totally unaware of our requirements. It wasn’t her fault, but she wasn’t invited back. And the scene? Suffice it to say it fell utterly flat. When the reviews came out, most said things like “these girls (she and I) have no chemistry” and “the worst scene in the DVD.” Not quite the splash I’d hoped to make with my first effort in lesbian porn.

My second scene was much better. My costar was Brianna Love, and I was a little freaked out to hear that she was in the early stages of pregnancy. I was new to the game, and fresh from my professions as a science writer and paralegal, so I’d been living in a very different world. As such, I had the knee jerk reaction a lot of civilians might have to hearing such news. PREGNANT? And she’s doing PORN? And we’re WRITING IT INTO THE STORY? Is that… okay? Or are we all going straight to Hell? The director assured me it would work perfectly, and that the scene was to go into our Road Queen (Part 3) series.

The good news is, she wasn’t showing! She was beautiful and sweet, and very attracted to women. I was stunned at how different the experience was from my first scene. Brianna was completely professional yet fully present and enjoying herself. I had never been with someone so physically different than me, as I tended to be most attracted to shapely brunettes in real life. Brianna was a tiny blonde. But the improbability of it, the novelty of being with someone so unlike what I was used to, was very exciting. At the same time, I noticed little things she did – pushing my hair away so the camera could get my face into view, taking her time, long gazes into my eyes and deep kissing. She may have been doing it for the good of the scene, but it also made me think: How often do we do this with our lovers in real life? Leave the lights on and gaze into each other’s eyes, really take our time? Doing porn was teaching me to be a better lover. Or at least giving me some new ideas. And learning had never been so much fun.

Brianna played the scene as if I were someone she loved and fully enjoyed making love to. We hadn’t met before that day, and had only chatted briefly before the scene, so this was admittedly an extraordinary experience that not many people have in their day to day lives. After all, one night stands are usually awkward fuck-fests, not loving, sensual experiences.

What the experience wasn’t, for even a moment, was uncomfortable or disturbing. I felt lucky to have worked with Brianna Love. And the pregnancy? It suddenly seemed like no big deal. Why had I been so freaked out about it? I wondered. I realized my judgments and presumptions were based on absolutely no firsthand knowledge or personal experience. They were just carryovers from the stigma society places on sex, sex workers, and even motherhood. I couldn’t find anything wrong with the shoot, or with Brianna, who was lovely, kind and sexy — or with myself.

I was extra happy to see my partner that night. I felt a heightened sense of awareness and stimulation from the shoot, and I wanted to express it with the person I truly loved, and with no camera to worry about playing to.

Do shoots always leave me feeling this way? No. Sometimes I feel over stimulated afterwards. It’s a major adrenaline rush to have an intense sexual encounter with someone you don’t (necessarily) know, and I usually need something to ground me afterward. I’ve been known to call my real life lover repeatedly after a shoot. “Where are you? Call me!” I think I just want to hear, and to say, “I love you” to someone and have it be true. It’s like being on a rollercoaster – great fun and exciting beyond compare, but you’re relieved to feel the steady ground under you again when it’s over.

The question is, do you love the rollercoaster, or does it make you sick? For some of us, the rollercoaster is essential. For others, it just makes them nauseas and it isn’t worth the trouble. And for others still, they fear the rollercoaster and won’t try it at all. All of these reactions are valid, but none of them say anything about the rollercoaster itself. The same with porn. You can experience this world in so many different ways, but it doesn’t say anything definitive about the industry. The answers to these questions are personal, and they’re different for each of us. But for me, I’ve got my E-ticket in hand, and I’m getting back on for another ride.

Much love,

Sydni Ellis
Director, Writer & Performer
Girlfriends Films
sydniellisxxx@aol.com
GirlfriendsFilms.com

Watch Girlfriends Films now!

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Back in the 70s when the adult feature film Deep Throat first came out, it seemed porn was poised to be the new art form — or at least to revolutionize cinema as we knew it. We felt very cosmopolitan and European as we sat with our partners in darkened theaters as six foot tall images of human genitalia filled the screen. Linda Lovelace became a household name, and her success opened the door for a whole generation of porn stars. Names such as Seka, Sharon Mitchell, Nina Hartley and Kandi Barbour became synonymous with erotic entertainment and sexual, exotic beauty. The porn industry itself became known as “The ‘Other’ Hollywood.”

But then, something happened — or rather, it didn’t happen. Porn never quite made good on its promise to make sexual sophisticates of us all. The “new art form” devolved into what most referred to as “smut”, and nobody sat proudly in theaters anymore to watch the latest x-rated film. In fact, porn went completely back in the closet — or almost completely. Most people still watched it, but you certainly didn’t admit you did. And if someone you knew caught you going into an x-rated theater, it could change the way they felt about you — and not likely for the better.

I was just a child back in the Golden Age of Porn, but I went to Times Square often and would notice the sparkly women on the posters outside of strip clubs and X-rated theaters. “They’re not movie stars — they’re adult actresses” my father would say with a hint of disdain, as he pulled me from the objects of my interest.

Fast forward 25 years later, and I’m holding a director’s “clapper board” while Nina Hartley stands in front of me pacing back and forth and rehearsing her lines. I have written the script she’s trying to memorize, and I’m struck for a moment by the surreal nature of this scene. How did I get here - me, a science journalist and Russian literature freak?

Nina Hartley is a special legend in the world of adult entertainment. A mainstream movie actress, activist, writer and intellectual, it’s safe to say she doesn’t really have any peers. I am honored that she’s taken on the role I wrote especially for her. She will be the star of Girlfriends Films new Girls in White 2007, a three-part DVD set to be released in January 2007.

Nina took the role because she likes the Girlfriends Films philosophy; sex positive, female positive, and attempting to tell an interesting story. In the course of our friendship, Nina and I have spent hours discussing the nature of lust, the lure of pornography, the mechanics of orgasm, and the question of monogamy. As an expert in the world of BDSM, Nina knows something about the sexual potency of power dynamics. She will put that knowledge to work now, in a scene involving three slaves who service her, and each other, over morning tea.

I have written into the script that one girl should give the other a collar to wear, and Nina instructs me on the proper way this task should be done. In BDSM, there is a proper way to do almost everything.

“She should get on her knees, with her back to the girl who gives her the collar,” Nina explains. I watch this executed and it’s indeed sexy; it looks a bit like a spiritual ritual. Scientists say the parts of the brain that respond to religion and to sex are closely related, and I can see why.

The scene comes off beautifully. Nina is the consummate performer — mother, lover, teacher, goddess. The girls who play her slaves in the scene are humbled to be in her presence. Trinity Post keeps flubbing her lines, and whispers to me “It’s just that Nina Hartley is sitting here and it makes me so freaking nervous!”

Nina imbues the words I’ve written for her with nuances and inflections of tone that I couldn’t have imagined. She makes it sound good — better than it sounded in my head or written on the page. I’m flying with Superman.

And for a moment, I dare to think that maybe… just maybe… the promise of porn as an art form still has some legs. It’s a new generation, after all. And we’re pretty sexually sophisticated, if I do say so myself.

Girls in White 2007 is written and directed by Sydni Ellis and is slated for a January 2007 release. Check www.girlfriendsfilms.com for updates on coming attractions and estimated release dates.

Much love,

Sydni Ellis
Director, Writer & Performer
Girlfriends Films
sydniellisxxx@aol.com
GirlfriendsFilms.com

Watch Girlfriends Films now!

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Recently I attended a party at an Altadena art gallery. A good friend of mine was bartending the event, and when I arrived he introduced me to his sister, Laura. Laura’s dress and hair was new-age bohemian chic, and she immediately struck me as smart, cool and quirky. I liked her instantly, but her reaction to me was a bit hard to read. She wasn’t unfriendly, but I sensed a bit of wariness, perhaps even suspicion, directed my way.

After telling Laura how nice it was to meet her, I found myself distracted by a portrait of Adolf Hitler painted entirely in glitter. I moved in to take a closer look and Laura quickly moved on. I didn’t see her again for the rest of the night.

The next day, my friend told me that he’d mentioned to his sister what I do for a living and that her response had been a mixture of shock and moral indignation.

“Don’t you feel sorry for her?” Laura had apparently asked him. “Aren’t you going to try to help her? You’re her friend, aren’t you?”

The words stung, but I wasn’t really surprised. Unfortunately, Laura’s reaction represents how many people continue to view those who work in the adult industry: as damaged human beings, even as victims. I sometimes forget how strange my job can seem to “civilians.” By “civilians,” I mean conventional folks that hold jobs where their coworkers never once get to see them naked. (Not even at the company Christmas party!)

My life, though, hasn’t followed a conventional path: I am a woman, and I am also a pornographer. That is, I write, direct and film lesbian porn (or if you prefer the less heavy handed term: “erotica”) for a company called Girlfriends Films. I occasionally perform in x rated videos, too.

Is it fun? Is it liberating? How do I “really” feel about working in the adult industry? What are the girls like? Are they all on drugs, and do they all hate sex? Are those orgasms real? How much “direction” is required, and how is it done? What really goes into making an x-rated DVD?

This is what you want to know, and it’s what I’m going to tell you each week, right in this space. Why? My motives are twofold. First, I want to introduce you to Girlfriends Films, because our DVDs are filmed by women for women, and very few erotic videos are. Second, I hope that if you read my column on a regular basis it might change the way you think about women and pornography. You may start to view it the way I do: as something fun, creative, even artistic. Something you can enjoy watching without worrying that there’s something wrong with you — or with me. I hope to surprise you, and shed some light on a world that has always existed mainly in shadows. The world you like to visit, and that I call Home.

My hope is, that if you happen to run into me at a party someday, you’ll have a different reaction to me than Laura did. You may warmly shake my hand and smile, and even whisper “You go, girl.” And you might even mean it!

Check this column every week for a peek into the process of creating lesbian porn. I’ll give you a pass to the world of erotic videos created by women and for women (and for men who love women who love each other.) I hope you’ll enjoy my column, and I look forward to your questions and feedback.

Much love,

Sydni Ellis
Director, Writer & Performer
Girlfriends Films
sydniellisxxx@aol.com
GirlfriendsFilms.com

Watch Girlfriends Films now!

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