There are certain porn “milestones” that cause one to take a moment to reflect upon. My first scene with Stephanie Swift was one. My scene with Nina Hartley was another. And now, my intense scene with the one and only Ginger Lynn has gained status as one of the most memorable and auspicious of all.
I met Ginger for the first time at Playboy Radio more than a year ago, when I was a guest on “Nightcalls.” She let me suck on her nipples and give her a spanking On Air — tasks I considered myself unworthy of performing, but which I hoped to carry out with some degree of competence. I found Ginger to be wild and adorable in equal doses, and I wanted to find some way to work with her again. In fact, when an interviewer at that year’s AVN show asked what my biggest wish was, I responded, “to cast Ginger Lynn.”
So when my good friend Powder called me a few months back and asked if I would be a guest on Ginger’s RudeTV show “Dirty Divas” I immediately accepted. I dolled myself up in a taffeta mini dress and stripper heels, piled on the sparkly eye shadow, and headed for Porn Valley.
Continue reading Going Vagitarian with Ginger Lynn
It’s hard to fathom all that’s happened in the past year. It went so quickly, yet 2007 now seems a lifetime ago. Needless to say, I had a lot to be thankful for this past Turkey day; 2008 was simply one of the greatest years of my life.
Most notably, it was the year Sweetheart Video was born. Our first release was in April 2008, and we quickly rose to the top of the food chain (our only real competition being, ironically, my former studio.) We’re up for several AVN awards this year, including Best New Line (i.e., Best New Studio), Best All Girl Release and Best All Girl Scene. We hit the ground running, and almost immediately began to forge new territory and introduce new concepts. My amazing partner/boss Jon Blitt has supported me in each and every one of my ideas (even when his first reaction is “Wha…? Are you kidding me?”). There has been not one moment where I’ve felt less than intense gratitude for Jon and what we’ve built together in this short period of time. His belief in my talent has changed my career and my life in ways I can’t even begin to explain.
On a personal note, I grew tremendously due to all of the changes I had to sort through when this year began. I got to know myself through my own eyes, after having been in a bad relationship for a long time; one where I could only see myself through the critical, unkind gaze of another. This year, my relationships were the antidote to all that. I experienced dizzying, intoxicating love affairs with some of the most beautiful, electrifying people in the industry – if not the entire world. Life opened up to me, and I learned what love, friendship, and compassion are truly about. Anais Nin famously said there are only two types of freedoms in this world: the freedom of the rich and powerful, and the freedom of monks and artists to whom possessions do not matter. I’ve been lucky enough, this past year, to experience a life of freedom in all the ways that count.
Continue reading In Consideration of 2008
Before I became an adult actress and director, I often wondered why it seemed that industry folk dated only each other. Wasn’t it a bit much, I wondered, for two sexually over the top types to pair up? Didn’t they spontaneously combust? Wasn’t someone required to be the “anchor,” in the relationship, the one with a foot firmly grounded in the “real world?”
In other words, I had no idea what I was talking about, or how to even begin thinking about it.
Since becoming an adult actress, I’ve had several relationships of varying length with “civilians.” Unfortunately, almost all the civilian men I’ve dated became so immediately and intensely besotted with me (or was it with my career?) that I couldn’t begin to seriously consider them. Likewise, the civilian women I’ve been involved with have been – you guessed it – disproportionately threatened by the female porn stars I have sex with “at work.”
This problem crystallized for me one day, when my fellow porn star Jewels commented on my then boyfriend. He sat at my feet as if I held the very secrets of the universe, and she was a little concerned for his mental well being.
“Nica, what the fuck did you do to this guy?” she asked. “Did you give him the ‘porn star tour’?”
Continue reading Dating Civilians 101
People assume there are a lot of pitfalls in the adult industry, particularly in porn, and I’m here to tell you that indeed there are. Well come on now, of course there are. Any environment that offers a disproportionately large helping of excitement, sex (and other miscellaneous forms of indulgence) carries a risk of leading one down a dark path. One that leads to a place where too much sex is never enough, and where the surfeit, rather than making us full, creates a feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness.
But there are other cautions, too. An obsession with youth, beauty, and bodily perfection, perhaps understandably, permeates the adult industry. Even with the MILF craze there is a distinct understanding (often spoken and easily observed) that it’s the 18-25 sect who are considered “in their prime” as sexual performers; as “hot girls.” Male performers may have a bit longer shelf life, but surprisingly, not much longer. Once a guy gets into his 30s he’s no longer considered the hot young stud, especially if he’s been working for a while. He’ll enjoy “tweener” status for just a brief time before the sudden acceleration into “Daddy, Stop Fucking My Friends!” territory.
Due to this paradigm, many adult performers demean themselves by trying to hold onto their “youth” long after they should — or can. Adult industry conventions are teeming with “women of a certain age” dressed in belly shirts, mini skirts, and stripper heels. Women who look 17 years old from behind and some indeterminate age when they turn around. They don’t look young, they don’t look old. They sometimes don’t quite look human. Over-injected lips glossed to a high sheen, flaxen blonde hair extensions falling to their waists in Disney mermaid-like waves, skin that has so much filler and botox holding it still that you can’t tell if they’re smiling or sneering, happy or terrified. (Maybe they’re not sure, either.) And once the men get upwards of 40, I’ve seen some of the same embarrassing behavior. I’m sorry, but too much jewelry, dyed, thinning hair and True Religion jeans on a guy crowding 50 doesn’t tend to look fantastic. The message this behavior sends, to the world and to each other is: you don’t have long here, and there’s no way out. So just try to keep blending in — forever.
Continue reading The Land of the Misfits
Recently I was interviewed by a well-known men’s magazine about what it’s like to have a relationship with a “civilian” while simultaneously working as an adult actress. I had been in such a situation fairly recently with someone who had loved to tell others about my involvement in the sex biz (and thus his exciting experiences as my sidekick), but who wasn’t above making the occasional judgment-tinged remark when it suited his purpose. This would mostly be to gain the upper hand in an argument or to use as evidence that I was, let’s face it, “crazy.” He had a lofty-sounding title at a well-known Los Angeles firm, and seemed to regard himself as “respectable” and “sane” by virtue of the fact that he’d completed a degree and was now working for a powerful company. Those of us who worked in the sex business, or who hadn’t had the (mommy-and-daddy-paid-for) academic choices he’d enjoyed were easy to discredit if the situation called for it. And often, it did.
When I ended the relationship he made a couple of snide remarks about my having a “wild life” and told me he’d prefer that I not mention to others the involvement he’d so enthusiastically (and secretly) sought for himself in my career. Everything from his constant desire to “invest” in my studio, to his passion for writing scripts and suggesting casting choices for my films, to his attendance at almost every industry event to which I was invited. I didn’t understand at the time what the mixed messages were about – did he think everyone in porn (including me) was crazy and marginal, or did he want to be one of us? Was he just trying to take one last hit at my achillies heel before we parted ways — a defiant swipe in the spirit of “You can’t fire me, because I quit!”? Continue reading Happiness Through Porn
There is, to paraphrase a lovely old verse, something new beneath the visiting moon.
And I’ve been writing about it quite a bit lately, because I’m still somewhat in shock.
Let me begin by saying that I’ve never completely understood the whole “BDSM” thing. Or I thought I didn’t. I have met and befriended and even “played” with a few well-known masters and S/M couples, and I found the play interesting but not intoxicating. I wondered, then, why I kept “trying it again.” Maybe I’m just a sexual adventuress, I hypothesized. Maybe I’m drawn to extreme experiences and sensations as a sort of intellectual tradition.
The curious thing was that often people well-versed in BDSM would approach me, responding to some “vibe” they felt from me which caused them to believe I was “one of them.” (This even happened with one of the most well-regarded Masters in Los Angeles.) And after my scene with the amazing Kylie Ireland, she told me “It’s weird, but you have an affect on me that no other woman does. I’m submissive with most lovers, but with you, I don’t know if I want to kiss you passionately or beat the crap out of you.” She meant it in a loving way (Kylie and I are friends) but there it was again – I was giving off something that others were picking up on. What was it that I was emanating, and why?
And then I met a new lover, and things started to make sense.
Continue reading Awakenings
One interesting (and mildly terrifying) facet of my life as a porn actress is that I don’t necessarily know who I’m going to be having sex with on a given day. It’s a little like arranging a boxing match — who do the fans want to see go at it? Who would make good ‘opponents’? Sometimes conventional wisdom is correct, and other times — as highlighted in my last column — it’s a bit of a disaster.
And sometimes you strike gold and you find yourself in a scene with Stephanie Swift.
Most people know her as that former Wicked contract girl, the super hot, exotic-looking one who seems a little… glum. Stephanie is not blonde and big boobed, nor is she particularly bubbly. There’s something sincere about her, a hint of something genuine. A longing, or a sadness. It comes across on screen and it’s even more apparent in real life.
Continue reading The Mighty Stephanie Swift
In recent years, as porn has trended toward the more extreme and novelty-oriented, an act called “squirting” has gained popularity. The proper term, I’ve been told, is “female ejaculation,” and not everyone can do it. Or alternatively, everyone CAN do it. It largely depends on who you talk to, and it’s hard to know whom to believe. Sex Educator Deborah Sundahl has made a career of writing and speaking about female ejaculation and after 20 years she’s still going strong. This suggests most laypeople are still in the dark about the ultimate Female Orgasm, and it’s taking a while for us to get up to speed.
And because we are ignorant, we can be fooled. You see, squirting, to the untrained eye, can look a lot like pissing. And sadly, sometimes it really IS pissing.
I found this out the hard way.
A while back, I worked with a woman – let’s call her Karla — who had suddenly in mid-career developed the ability to “squirt.” Karla was in her forties and having trouble getting work, even with the current MILF craze. Actually, she seemed to be having some trouble coping with life in general. Karla had an unsettling affect to her personality; high strung and prone to inexplicable mood swings. It was hard not to wonder if she was abusing drugs — prescription or otherwise.
Continue reading When Squirting Isn’t Squirting
I know it’s been a while since I’ve done a column; life has been coming at me fast and furious lately, and it’s been all I can do to just catch my breath and keep moving. It’s not always a pretty sight, but at the same time I’ve really never been happier.
Most of my joy lately has come from the simple pleasure of talking to and corresponding with fans. What I’ve come to realize, not that it’s much of a surprise, is that the average porn viewer is much smarter and more thoughtful than most people like to believe. While most of us enjoy some form of pornography (or, for those of you who don’t like that word: “erotica,”) we still tend to make broad and unfair generalizations about the typical porn consumer. It reminds me of when I was a stripper — almost every customer would at some point say to me, “You must meet some real freaks and weirdos in your line of work.”
“Actually,” I would reply, “Most of them are just like you.”
Nobody ever thinks of adult entertainment enthusiasts as being “just like them.” For most of us, our love of porn is a little peccadillo, a harmless secret, a slight eccentricity in the personality of an otherwise normal, multi-faceted person. We don’t define ourselves by our love of erotica, yet we’re quick to define others by theirs. And it’s usually to discredit them: their opinions, their worth, their intelligence. It’s just another form of self hatred and deep seated shame. And it’s time to get rid of it.
Continue reading Back on Track 🙂
Anything can be done well or poorly, and porn is no exception. Just as it takes time and practice to become a good lover in real life, the same is true for performing well in adult films. And, again as in real life, what turns on one person can be anathema to another. But there are certain rules that seem to apply, regardless of personal taste.
The first rule of being a good adult performer is to be “into” the scene, involved with your partner and passionate about the encounter. This means keeping connected to your costar, both physically and — for lack of a better term — “emotionally.” Eye contact, constant touching, increased breathing, gazing at each other lovingly; all of these things are fundamental. Let your arms go limp at your side for a moment while she’s kissing you, and you’ve just communicated a lack of enthusiasm to your entire audience. After all, you’re supposed to be in the throes of passion and you have to convey that with your body, your eyes, and your attitude in every frame of the film. It’s not as elementary as some might think.
At the same time, you have to be aware of the fact that you are, at bottom, performing for the benefit of others. Being aware of where the camera is, approaching your costar from an angle at which the camera can get a good view of the action, and choosing positions that are possible to shoot well are important things to remember. But we obviously don’t consider those issues in our real life sexual encounters, so it takes some adjusting to get used to it. Some performers master these new requirements quickly while others never really do.
Continue reading Masters Of Porn