Yay, Jenny’s back! That’s basically a short version of my reaction when I heard there was a sequel to Jenny’s first film. You might remember Jenny Densuke best as that blond sex doll that had a whole porno in which she was the featured performer, I’ll always remember Jenny as a silicone infused breath of fresh air to my normal plotted porny bits!
Oh no, there’s a new doll in town! Right as Jenny’s getting ready to go to the AVN awards this little Chinese themed doll named Dai Ling shows up for a shoot. Dai Ling has a bit of a problem with her mother, who is a bit of a ball breaker but manages to secure herself a job despite that and has a lovely personality. It’s so very wrong for me to stare at John Michaels overly toned backside but sometimes it’s good to be wrong – John is trying to fix the van but the van is having none of it, looks like Jenny is going to miss the show and have to spend some time snowed in with the girls instead.
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I picked this movie for the usual reasons, I love boobs and I just discovered the holy grail of natural big boob models. Linsey Dawn McKenzie, who rose to fame at the age of 16 (in Britain you can model topless that young apparently) with 36FF boobs. Since then Linsey’s assets grew to an enormous 36HH before she finally had them reduced to a less backbreaking size. She’s a legend, not just for her amazing rack but also for her slim figure (36-24-36, seriously I didn’t think anyone had those measurements besides Barbie). “Ultimate Linsey” is the only film I could find where this legendary model has full hardcore sex before her breast reduction.
Ok, accent – smoldering fucking hot! Linsey starts off with a little monologue and it’s seriously hard to concentrate on what she’s saying because of her hot British accent. Yeah, I guess an accent is the fastest way to my libido. After that there’s lots of tit play as Linsey shows of her absolutely amazing breasts. Seriously all that stuff I’ve seen models do with ginormous implants is a whole new experience when Linsey does it. Also, Linsey is really flexible and really active for a woman masturbating on her bed.
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Today I’ve got an extra special treat – more of “Porn’s Most Outrageous Outtakes!” Normally I’m not a gossip/tabloid kind of girl but I do occasionally find myself desperately curious about what’s going on onset of some of the many, many, pornos I’ve seen. Since I’m also not the type to take my clothes off in front of a camera and crew, can’t hold a camera steady and have no directing skills, these behind the scenes films are my best peak behind the scenes. Besides I heard that Tanner Mayes totally freaks out on the set of this one.
Awesome, first up is indeed Tanner! Jim has nothing but nice things to say about her while he’s introducing the scene. It all starts with a questionable mark on Tanner’s thigh, that one of the girls sees and doesn’t want touching her thought Tanner has a valid test that she brought with her to the scene to explain what she calls chaffing. Shortly after that Tanner quit the shoot mid scene and heads to leave, but realized that she’d left her phone and goes back to get it and while doing so shoves a monitor onto the floor. In motion it’s all of a jumble, Tanner seems really sweet at first if a little disjointed. It was kind of sad watching her meltdown and tries and to tell everyone off.
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I see a lot of forced feminization movies out there but when I came across “Mommy’s Boi” and its forced masculization premise, well let’s just say I was intrigued. I’ve never watched a movie from Girlfriends Films before either and I’ve heard a lot about them lately so now seemed like as good a time as any to begin my introduction.
My first thoughts while watching this are “huh” and “why did you pay for those boobs if you’re just gonna squish ‘em down with bandages?” I’m confused is playing ‘boi’ supposed to be a turn on for your average lesbian the way that playing nurse or something would be in a hetero relationship? Cause this has the same kind of ridiculous oversimplification to it that happens in many roleplay type pornos.
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I’ve actually been waiting all weekend to review this one. Yes, I was actually looking forward to getting back to the office, turning this film on and letting the world fade away. “Lukas In Love Part 1″ is from Bel Ami, so it’s guaranteed to have amazingly gorgeous men in any case, shot with beautiful lighting that gives everything that better than real super amazing romantic feeling. But on top of all that awesome, it also features Lukas Ridgeston my first (last and always) favorite porn star. Lukas only stared in a handful of films before retiring to work behind the camera at Bel Ami but that brief stretch was more than enough to earn him my complete lust, so I’m super happy to introduce this hunk to the rest of the female population!
Things start off great for my fantasy fodder, Lukas stops off to buy a rose for his partner instead of packing for a trip to Africa. Unfortunately it looks like his partner has already moved on with another young stud. Not only is the jerk too happily pounding the new guys ass to notice that he brought him flowers but he calls Lukas old and derides him for always wanting to top, before getting back to the action. Poor Lukas, he looks so sad (and scrumptious) on the plane. Clearly this calls for some serious heart help in the form of hot promiscuous males throwing themselves at him.
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In today’s edition of my online dating adventures I’m looking at sex. Well I’m always looking at sex, I work for a simply huge porn purveyor (and damn proud of it) but I’m looking at sex, in relation to the online dating process.
You see, it comes up a lot when you’re dating or looking to date or haven’t had sex in a while however long that while might be – when does one start having sex with someone new? To be really honest, whenever you want (after STD checks on both parties’ part would be great but we all know sometimes the mood swings contrary to common sense) whether that happens to be the first date or the fiftieth is up to you and your partner.
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For today’s hentai offering I went looking for something special, something new, interesting and atypical. I settled on “Ride Of The Valkyrie” because it looked like it had an extra special treat in store for its viewers – futanari.
You see I’ve seen tons of futanari manga’s but like yaoi it’s a rare thing to find in movie format, at least in the states it is. Ok, quick lesson, the term futanari refers to characters (usually depicted as female) who have both genitalia at the same time. Futanari characters genitalia is usually depicted in one of three ways: male genitalia above female organs (cock and balls sprout above the clit), a variation in which the clit becomes the cock, and a final variation on the two previous forms that is ball less. Their cocks also usually tend to be pretty unrealistically huge. These types of characters tend to add a whole new awesome dynamic on your average fantasy sex scene so I was super eager to see one ‘in the wild’ as it were.
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Temperature play is super fucking sexy! I’m anemic and small so I’ve always been cold; even during mid-summer I’m the girl with the long sleeves and jeans on because even if it’s hot outside, I’m only there for two seconds before jumping into some over air conditioned locale that will leave me shivering. That’s why I love the winter – I’ve got complete control over the thermostat and I crank that fucker up! Indulging in personal orgies of warm every night after work, which spills over to weirdness, like me huddling in front of my heater eating gallons of Haagen Dazs coffee ice cream because my constant uncontrollable chill leads me to a fetish for being really hot and indulging in all those cold things I usually have to abstain from or freeze.
Enter the Touché Ice – essentially a vibrating Popsicle. The Touché Ice, comes with a little silicone cup and a silicone cap that when placed on the cup has the shape of a largish egg, and a little waterproof bullet vibe that inserts into the cap. Silicone, removable water proof vibe and ice – this must be the easiest toy to clean ever, which is a good thing because obviously the Touche Ice was meant to be shared. You fill the cup with water, take out the bullet vibe from the cap, put the cap on the cup and stick the whole thing in the freezer for 3 – 4 hours.
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It’s been a while since I’ve sampled some of Impulse TV’s wares and I noticed that “Velvet Tension Volume 1″ seemed to feature copious amounts of wet sex – one of my favorite fantasies – so I couldn’t resist giving it a run through this week.
Tattoos, pools and butlers in the shower all add up to a great way to open the film, as far as I’m concerned. It’s just the usual collage of what’s to come, but I’m already excited to see the rest since the movie does indeed seem to be bursting with the wet and wild fun I crave!
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Image via TheHolidaySpot.com
It’s almost the most dreaded day of the year for all of singledom (and it’s not exactly looked on with anticipation by many of the clueless who have managed to blunder into couplehood either) Valentine’s Day. Just typing it sends shivers of fear and loathing down my spine and I have no idea where that came from as I’ve always been relatively indifferent to the overly commercialized holiday before – though that didn’t mean I wasn’t a stickler for getting a romantic surprise of some sort on V-day, some guys really need that one day a year reminder, sheesh.
Well I’ve got very little advice on how to weather the V-day blues since this’ll be a first for me and I’ve just started ‘dating’ again (so much work and so little hanky panky). Except for two little nubbins of ‘wisdom,’ first and foremost – this year all the lovelorn are in super awesome luck as the dreaded V-Day also happens to fall on Lunar/Chinese New Year. New Year’s celebrations have always been a boon time for singles (Pagan, Chinese, Solar are all great times to be foot lose and fancy free) so head on out to the nearest Lunar New Year celebration and have the damned fine time you deserve!
And two, well this is best for those who have made a connection but not quite sealed the deal. Celebrate with a little sext! Yes I know, I’m usually screaming at the top of my lungs about not sexting but sometimes a girl drinks a bottle of expensive vodka and feels like making an exception. If you are feeling like you might be wanting to spend the night sexting, for heaven’s sake take the tips offered by Fleshbot (the one about assuming any and all pics can and will be released to the public is particularly good advice) and sext safely.
Alright I’ve got drinking to do, emails to read and pics to browse while drooling and imagining what our kids will look like (kidding! I kid, I kid!)
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