I often struggle with being dumb. No, I’m not “dumb” - I graduated in the top tiers of my high school class, went through an accredited journalism program at a pretty renowned university, have a slight fixation on all things American history (to the point where I have considered many a doctoral program in the field), and I even won a spelling bee once - but I want to be. I often envy girls who don’t think about much more than shoes, clothes, and relationships. You can hear it in my speech; a desperate longing to be nothing more than, like, a total valley girl - but you can’t tell from my writing. I know, a woman should be proud of her intelligence and hold her head high, but it’s quite the cross to bear.

A study in Germany recently concluded that smart women have bad sex because they’re too busy thinking, and therefore they rarely have orgasms. I know I’ve spent time during sex thinking about numerous unrelated things - what I have to do tomorrow, did I shave my legs, what was Nietzsche really trying to say - that I almost forgot to moan a little. I always thought my mind wandered because the sex was bad, not because I was simply too smart to focus.

I thought about my past sexual history and realized the worst sex was with smart guys. The dumb ones? I never even thought about anything else. I didn’t date them, we were just having sex, nothing more, so I wasn’t concerned with anything. The sex was always really good.

Maybe that’s the smart woman’s problem - we’re always thinking about what comes next. Do we cuddle, do my thighs look okay, is he happy, does he love me, maybe Nietzsche was just full of it…it’s all the way we’ve been programmed academically. We graduate high school and we immediately move onto college or the work force. We get promoted and we yearn for even more. A masters degree? Let’s get a doctorate!

I’m not saying that being a smart woman is holding you back sexually. It’s not - smart women are also some of the most vocal in the bedroom. We’re the women who aren’t afraid to show our partner what we like or what we don’t like. We’re the women who aren’t afraid of our sexuality, period. We’re just wondering what’s next.

So here’s to taking a few moments to realize that what’s next isn’t as important as what’s happening right now. Right now is what takes you to what’s next anyway. Maybe I don’t want to be a dumb girl, but I definitely want her hang-ups - or lackthereof.

-M.