It seems like everyone is enjoying oral sex - except me. Every time I watch a porn flick, the girls are loving it and when I talk about sex with my girlfriends, it seems like their boyfriends are into giving it too - and they’re good at it. Maybe I’ve never had a partner do it right. What are some tips I can give him so I can really begin to enjoy oral sex? I’m scared of embarrassing him.
-Longing for Licking
Miami, FL
First off, two thumbs up to you for taking action in promoting healthy communication in your relationship and taking your sexual pleasure into your own hands! For many people, telling their partner how they like to be touched is very difficult. And was we know, communication is a huge part in making any type of sex be the best it can be.
Onward to the tips! Cunnlingus can be a wonderfully fun and super hot activity when you find what works for you. Some women like lots of pressure on their clit, while others prefer their partners to use their tongue to fuck them, while others want their clit to be sucked on. There are endless possibilities and combinations when it comes to pussy licking pleasure!
One great way to help let your partner know exactly how you like to be stimulated is to start off by touching yourself. Many people find it super hot to watch their partner get themselves off, so it doubles as a way to arouse your partner as well as school them on your body. You can use your fingers to show them what works best for you without even having to say a word.
My favorite way to express what I want is to incorporate my desires into dirty talk. It’s a lot easier for some people to who don’t feel comfortable asking for oral sex outright to say something along the lines of “I want your head between my legs.” Once your partner has traveled down south, you can moan instructions to them, ala “Mmmmm, harder.”
Using I statements and positive instruction are also a really good ways to let your partner know what you like without making them feel bad. Here are a few suggestions:
- “I love when you suck on my clit”
- “It feels really great when you flick my clit. Can you also make little circles.”
- ” I want to see how it feels if you lick a little bit higher/lower/slower/softer/etc.”
Here are a few specific technique tips for you partner:
- While the main focus is usually on the clitoris, don’t forget that the labia are also super sensitive and are perfect for sucking on and running your tongue around.
- Don’t just dive head first into the pussy. Lick and kiss your way down their body and tease your partner by kissing and nibbling on their inner thighs, lightly brushing their vulva with your mouth as you switch from side to side. Then slowly get to their clit with lots of labia licking.
- Start off making slow circles with your tongue on your partner’s clitoris. If she responds well to this keep going, varying your speed to find what works best for her.
- Many women enjoy having their clit sucked on. Try that out and look at her reaction. If she’s on board, continue; if not, and the circles aren’t going well either, try lightly flicking her clit with your tongue, over and over.
-If your tongue/mouth starts to get tired, feel free to switch to using fingers and back again. Don’t just stop. There is not much worse that getting really hot and close to orgasm and having the stimulation just stop dead.
- Experiment with different types of licking. Try long strokes on her clit with a flat tongue, or quick flicks with the tip of your pointed tongue. Be sure to take mental notes on what kinds of reactions she gives for each type of stimulation and spend some time licking her in the way that gets the most moans.
Remember, everyone is different. If these tips don’t work for you, it does not mean you are defective, or that your partner is doing it wrong. There are even women that don’t really like oral sex that much. It’s all about personal preference and how you like to be touched. And try to go easy on your partner. Don’t forget, pussy licking 101 is not usually on the sex ed curriculum. Becoming skilled at the art of cunnilingus takes patience and a partner willing to communicate their needs and desires.
Good Luck on helping your partner pilot the pussy for your ultimate pleasure.
J.D. Bauchery
Very helpful and useful advice. Thanks!