In recent years, as porn has trended toward the more extreme and novelty-oriented, an act called “squirting” has gained popularity. The proper term, I’ve been told, is “female ejaculation,” and not everyone can do it. Or alternatively, everyone CAN do it. It largely depends on who you talk to, and it’s hard to know whom to believe. Sex Educator Deborah Sundahl has made a career of writing and speaking about female ejaculation and after 20 years she’s still going strong. This suggests most laypeople are still in the dark about the ultimate Female Orgasm, and it’s taking a while for us to get up to speed.

And because we are ignorant, we can be fooled. You see, squirting, to the untrained eye, can look a lot like pissing. And sadly, sometimes it really IS pissing.

I found this out the hard way.

A while back, I worked with a woman – let’s call her Karla — who had suddenly in mid-career developed the ability to “squirt.” Karla was in her forties and having trouble getting work, even with the current MILF craze. Actually, she seemed to be having some trouble coping with life in general. Karla had an unsettling affect to her personality; high strung and prone to inexplicable mood swings. It was hard not to wonder if she was abusing drugs — prescription or otherwise.

I knew from experience that squirting doesn’t happen spontaneously for everyone; I had yet to come within a million miles of doing it myself, no matter how intense my orgasm. So when Karla developed overnight an ability to “squirt,” I thought: well that’s kind of odd, but okay. Good for her, she’ll get more work now.

Besides, despite her slightly unnerving personality traits, I liked Karla. She seemed fairly harmless. She was a bit lost perhaps, but then aren’t we all in some way? She was just less able to hide it, I supposed, and I felt for her. Karla wore her emotional instability like a big red hat: you couldn’t ignore it and she clearly had no interest in taking it off. One just had to shrug his or her shoulders and work around it.

Karla was all over the place during our sex scene. She vacillated between nervous wreck, passionate lover, and batshit crazy. She told me I was beautiful, that she wanted to marry me, that she loved me. She told me to rub her pussy, oh rub it harder, harder… ooh I’m gonna squirt on you baby… oooh you’re gonna make me squirt…

Then out it came, in great gushy spasms, drenching my skin. Karla moaned as if she were having the orgasm of her life. And then it hit me.

The smell.

The unmistakable stench of urine perfumed the air, wafting up into my nose, taunting me: “Surprise, fool!” My naked breasts and stomach were saturated, and as a tiny pool of liquid collected in my bellybutton I noticed it had to it a distinct yellow tint. “Squirting,” from what I’ve heard, is clear or has a slightly cloudy appearance. Likewise, the aroma of female ejaculation is often described as “sweet” and “light.” I have yet to hear it described as smelling “eerily like piss.”

Still, I had little choice but to continue kissing Karla, grinding on her, letting her fuck me crazystyle. The cameras were rolling, so I couldn’t react, I couldn’t show outrage, couldn’t run out of the room. I recalled a line from a Stephen King thriller I’d recently seen: “We have a job to do, and we don’t rattle.” I silently reminded myself that urine is sterile — or at least I thought I’d heard that once, somewhere. I now hoped it was really true.

After the scene was over, I thanked Karla for working with me, and darted from the room as fast as I could. There would be no way to change or shower before I went home, and I was desperate to leave. The stench of urine seemed trapped in my nose, and as many times as I washed my hands I was still convinced I could smell it on my fingers. To paraphrase Shakespeare, “water could not wash away her sin.”

Ironically, I had always been curious about “golden showers.” I admit I’ve have had the occasional fantasy of sitting in a shower stall submissively hunched against the wall while being peed upon by a dominant, powerful, sexual superior. I don’t go around announcing that, and I’ve never actually sought it out, but there it is. Now, Karla had ruined that fantasy. Karla’s piss was not a display of erotic dominance and power, but a pathetic act of desperation; desperation for more work, more attention, more value as a performer. I felt a bit sick, as if I had witnessed someone in a psychiatric free-fall. After all, what kind of person would dare to piss on another’s naked body without their consent?

Maybe Karla thought that it didn’t matter much. Female ejaculation, cum, pee — six of one, half a dozen of the other. A body fluid is a body fluid. Or maybe she assumed nobody would mind, as long as it didn’t get them in the face or mouth. I’m sure she didn’t think it would actually harm anyone.

But it did. Sex is a complicated dance, and different body fluids communicate vastly different ideas. For instance, if I let you cum in my mouth it’s because I’m totally hot for you and I want you to know it. If you’re a woman and you squirt on my body, I regard it as a baptismal of sorts, a sex-sister ritual, and I feel honored to be a part of it.

But if you piss on me without asking, you’ve just blindsided me and caught me off guard. You’ve introduced a dynamic that I didn’t ask for and that you might not be able to offer anyway. The terms “pissing” and “cumming” are not synonymous, and if you try to pass one off as the other, you’re not going to fool anyone for long. And yet, I think Karla routinely does fool people.

When I first read about Deborah Sundahl, I snickered at the notion that she’d devoted her life to educating people about female ejaculation. “How much can there be to say?” I scoffed. But lately I’ve found myself looking her up online, and I may have to order another copy of her book. It’s time to get up to speed on the art of squirting, and to hopefully come up with some methods of self defense, should I ever need it. Maybe I’m kidding myself, but then again Ms. Sundahl has made a career of educating people just like me. And a little knowledge never hurt anyone.

To learn more about female ejaculation and the difference between ejaculate and pee, visit Deborah Sundahl’s website at www.isismedia.org.

Much love,

Sydni Ellis
Director, Writer & Performer
sydniellisxxx@aol.com

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