Contrary to popular belief, sex is not a linear event.  While all the movies show that first you kiss, then you take off the shirts, then down the pants with your hands, then mouth, and then get to the real deal - intercourse, that’s not really how things have to be.  Who says I can’t go down on my partner, then just kiss her?  Or only fuck her with my hands?  In reality, there is no right or wrong way to fuck. And just because handjobs are foreplay to some folks, it doesn’t mean a good handjob can’t take you all the way home and beyond.

To get my point across loud and clear, I am putting a moratorium on the idea of foreplay. I am of the firm belief that anything that traditionally comes before intercourse is perfectly capable of standing on its own. And though we may play that way and then go to intercourse, there should be no prescribed agenda or script to follow. In honor of giving the big F.U. to anyone telling anyone else how to have sex, I am offering up a two-part Sex Tips that deal directly with our five fingered friends, our hands!

The first part of this Sex Tips covered our XY chromosomed friends, so now we are heading into lady territory! Call it finger fucking, finger banging, fingering, or whatever you will, it’s all the same thing - using your fingers/whole hand to stimulate a woman’s most sensitive bits.

Let’s talk about the basics of a handjob. No matter what it looks like on the movie or tv screens, giving a woman a handjob is a lot more than just ramming your fingers into her vag. It’s an art, and it takes way more skill to make a woman orgasm than just blindly pawing at her goods. For women, hand jobs come in a few different flavors - some women like only their clitoris touched, while others are strictly about penetration, though many women enjoy both fingers on their clit and inside their vagina.

Before we even start with the actual act of giving a handjob, we need to talk about lube. Just like with the guys, the most important – essential – part of a good handjob is lube, lube, lube. Even though a vagina is self-lubricating, extra lubrication always helps things run a little smoother. Water and silicone based lubes are two great types to use, but I’d suggest steering clear of oil based lubes because they can break down latex (for people who are using gloves for safe sex) and are generally not so great for vaginas. Lube can be used both internally and externally, so keep it handy for however you play.

IMPORTANT NOTE: This one is just common sense, but really needs to be said. Be sure to not only wash your hand with soap and clean under your fingernails before putting your hands in someone, make sure to file or clip your nails down so they don’t poke or scratch your gal. Dirty hands + tiny scratches = really unsexy infection.

First up, let’s talk about the clit – the nerve center of the girl bits. With over 8000 nerve endings packed into an itty bitty little nub, this hot spot is definitely where you want to be. Because the clit is so dense with sensation, some women find direct contact with it to be overwhelming and sometimes even painful. But then again, other women love direct firm pressure on their clit, so be sure to ask your partner what she likes. A few old standard moves include using the pad of your index finger to make little circles on her clit or to gently flick it back and forth. Be sure to get your fingers nice and slippery, using lube or her natural lubrication.

When it comes to fingering a woman inside her vagina, it’s really important to get her nice and aroused before heading inside. Getting her wet has two big benefits when it comes to getting her off. First off, it makes your fingers slide in and out easier and keeps all that good friction coming strong. Secondly, it protects her vag from the bad friction that can cause little tears in her vaginal walls that can both really hurt her and leave her more susceptible to infections and STIs. After you have her nice and wet, start with your index finger, palm up, and gently slide it inside her vagina. Let in just rest inside her for a little bit for her to get used to it before slowly thrusting in and out. If she reacts well to that, ask her if she wants you to add another finger (you can ask more than once to see if she wants more inside her). Start the thrusting slow and even and only speed up or thrust harder if you ask her if she wants that or you feel her pushing harder against your fingers, bucking herself into your hand.

Now that we’ve covered the basics of giving the ladies a little love via our five fingered friends, let’s get to the techniques that can turn a ho-hum handjob into a delightfully orgasmic affair.

- Before even touching her clit or vagina, spend a little time just stroking her outer labia and tracing her lips with your fingertips (ooh, a rhyme!) Gently squeeze and rub her inner labia between your thumb and index finger and cup her whole vulva in your hand, using the palm of your hand to put a little pressure in her pubic mound and massage the whole area with your whole hand.

- To find her G-spot, slide two fingers into her vag, up to about the 2nd knuckle and curl our fingers upward toward you. Her G-spot is located on the front wall of the vagina, about 2 inches in and when she gets all hot and bothered, it gets hard and protrudes a little. I should be about the size of a quarter and hard but squishy a little. Continue to make a “come hither” motion with your fingers and you stroke her G-spot with semi-firm pressure. Trust me, you’ll know if you find the right spot.

- Or instead of going straight for the G-spot, move your fingers around in her vagina, finding exactly what spots she likes to be touched in.

- While you are in her with your fingers, use the thumb of the same hand to make small circles on her clit. Try to match your rhythm and speed, or vary them to see what she likes best.

- Or encourage her to join in the fun! Have your lady stroke her own clit while you go to town in her vag. Not only do you get an incredibly hot show, you get to see exactly how she likes to be touched. It’s a win-win situation really.

- And let’s not forget about sex toys! Try using a mini bullet vibe on her clit while you fuck her with your fingers. If it’s vibrations she likes, you’ll get moans you could never experience just using your hands.

- Try twisting your wrist as you pull your fingers in and out of her vagina to give her different sensations.

No matter what technique you try, remember to have fun exploring and made this a really sexy adventure for both of you. Remember, everyone likes something different, so be sure to ask what turns your partner on the most!  Open communication and a little enthusiasm go a long way!

Happy handling!

J.D. Bauchery

Check out some other handy tips with Penny Flame’s Expert Guide To Hand Jobs For Men & Women: