Summer is all about going on vacation. Getting away from the day to day, drinking fruity drinks, lounging on sunny beaches and, of course, tons of hot hotel sex! Who could ask for more? But in this time of crappy economy and ever-rising gas prices, going on an actual romantic getaway can be wishful thinking. Instead of emptying your bank account and spending hours on end in airports or in the car, how about skipping the trip and just getting the getaway? Check out these thrifty ideas for getting your money’s worth of summer and the best sex this side of baggage claim.
- Forget about going to the shore and trying to get busy on a crowded beach. Aside from the hordes of whiny kids and speedo-clad old dudes being in the way of your outdoor sexing, beach sex means sand in your crevices and dirty ocean water in your cooch. And pools aren’t all they’re cracked up to be either. Chlorinated water thrust into a vag is just asking for infection. If you’re looking for a fun water activity on the cheap, set up a baby pool in your backyard! Head over to the local Target to get an inexpensive blow up pool, fill it with water and voila! – a PRIVATE summer cool down, leaving you only a few dollars in the hole. Can I stress that private part? As of the last time I checked, public sex was still considered an illegal activity. Keep it by the books with legal lovin’ on your own property. And sure some of us don’t have outdoor space (and are thoroughly bitter about it, like I). Forget about the yard – just throw down some towels or a tarp and set the pool up in your kitchen! Now, you can have an even more private tryst AND climate control! You just need to find the silver lining.
- Sometimes just getting out of the same old routine is all you need to make a vacation. Switch things up a bit and take the booty out of the bedroom. Try getting busy all over your house instead! Use the kitchen table to get the perfect bend-me-over height or hit the living room floor for a just in from work “ambush” hump (but put down a blanket! Rug burns are no fun and hardwood floors don’t feel so hot on the back and knees).
- Or, if you have a few extra bucks, spring for a local hotel and enjoy all the benefits of being away without actually being away. Spend all day in bed, ordering room service and fucking all over the room. Find a hotel with Jacuzzi tubs and take a double dip (or triple, quadruple…) right in your room! At some hotels, you can even rent porn off the T.V. to help you get going. Also, if you go to a hotel with a spa, they usually have couple’s massages and other pampers that can spur plenty of other couple’s activities.
- If you’ve got no extra cash and a few vacay days from work, why not spend the entire time in bed? Send the kids to grandma’s for a few days if you have them, then hide the bills and the T.V. remote and hole up with your honey for as long as your mini vacay allows. Make it so the only acceptable bed breaks are for bathroom trips and getting food. Otherwise it’s snuggle city and more sex than you can shake your full wallet at!
- And even though “public” sex isn’t on the total up and up, take a drive out to a secluded lake or forest or whatever and have a special picnic with a happy ending. Or if it’s raining or you don’t have time for a full picnic, take a page out of the days of yore and hope in the backseat for a little heavy petting, or anything else you can think to do.
Tried and true, these tips not only save bank, they are good advice for even the richest of millionaires, which we all are, of course.
Summertime, and the living’s easy!
-J.D. Bauchery
